Carl

I'd like to meet:

Beer Drinkers and Hell Raisers

THOUGHTS, GASEOUS EMISSIONS, AND RAMBLINGS:

At one local church, Joe was in charge of taking up the offerings. One Sunday after the services, the priest counted the cash and found it was smaller than anticipated. So he questioned Joe. He told him that it did not seem enough for the size of the congregation.Joe said that he did not take any of the offering. The priest again questioned him, and again he said that he did not take any of the offering. So the priest said, "Get into the confessional, which Joe did.Then the priest asked him if he took any of the offering, and this time he said, "I can't hear you." Again the priest asked, "Joe, did you take any of the offering?" Again Joe answered, "I can't hear you."This time the priest yelled, "JOE DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING?" Again Joe answered, "I can't hear you."By this time the priest was getting a little angry so he came out of the confessional and said, "Joe, trade places with me, and you can ask me a question."So they traded places, and Joe asked, "I hear that you and my wife are having an affair; is that true?" The priest answered, "By golly, you really can't hear in here!"

Seems God was just about done creating the Universe, but he had two extra things left in his bag of creations. So, he decided to split them between Adam and Eve.He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while voiding."It's a very handy thing," God told the couple, whom he found under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted the ability."Adam jumped up and blurted out, "Oh, give that to me. I'd love it. Please, oh please, let me have that ability. It would be great. When I'm out working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let it fly, it would be so cool. I could write my name in the sand. Oh, please God, let it be me who you give that gift to?"On and on he went, like an excited little boy who... well... had to pee. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy and she really wouldn't mind.And so, Adam was given the ability to control the direction of his "void" while in a vertical position. He was so happy he celebrated by wetting down the bark on the tree nearest him and laughing with delight all the while. And it was good."Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts, "What's left in here? Oh yes, Multiple Orgasms."

Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. One leaned over and said, "Life is so darn boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $5.00, I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!""You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill. As fast as she could, the first little old lady fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the flower show. Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The naked lady burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd."What happened?" asked her waiting friend. "I won first prize for Best Dried Arrangement.

Music:

War - Low Rider

Movies:

Sin City-Marv is a great character! Kingpin. Hidalgo Jimmy Stewart westerns. Three Stooges(Curly) Hot Rod(the first one,not the stupid 2007 release) Book of Love

Television:

Two and a Half Men CSI Vegas Motor Block (gearhead fare)

Books:

Non-fiction

Heroes: