Hi. My name's Captain Ed. I'm old, fat and own a record store called "Captain Ed's Records." I was in a rock band once. One time, I had me a three way with this pair of siameese twins. I ate an ENTIRE horse. And that's not all... I was on stage- My guitar was on fire! I'd been up all night shooting "cheese-balls". That's cocaine and cheese. Jimi Hendrix was backstage throwing up. Mama Cass was stirring her famous Spagetti pie. Jannis Joplin was doing the dishes and throwing up.... Then the cops burst in. I woke up in a Russian prison- Total setup. The rock star image is a lie! It's like when you beileve in the Easter bunny, Or Sasquatch... Let the dream die!
