*******First and foremost-I love dub. Love me some 'nip. And dub.***********Now about my favorite subject-ME! I like to use the box. This house and everything in it are mine, I only tolerate the humans so they provide me with an unending supply of chicken-which makes me happy. When I'm hot I like to sprawl on the bathroom or garage floor-or in the bathtub. Or on the shirt that you were going to wear to work-I seek out the ones that are dry clean only. I could Swiffer your house in about 20 seconds, but this is very expensive and you could never afford my services.
****************I detest cheap catfood-I will throw it at you if it is not to my liking. In the backyard there is a perch I spend most of my time at, patrolling my kingdom for illegal cats, stray dogs, and the occasional bunny. I like to kick it-when my humans throw backyard BBQs, I'm ALWAYS the center of attention. Why you ask? Did you not look at my pictures? I'm fuckin' adorable! And the cuter I look and act, the more deee-licious BBQ the humans friends sneak to me. Thusly, I have mastered the art of manipulation. BBQ kicks SOOOOO much ass.*************Anyways, I can open cabinets and doors with my paws, so it would be simplest to just leave your meal for me on the floor. Resistance is futile. Give in to the Burrito.
*************I am a Flying Burrito. You know those giant, 2lb monsters of you can get at 7-11 for like, .99 cents? I'm one of those. Not to be confused with the Non-Flying Burrito, or the Flying Soft Taco. They suck.
*************My cuteness has no boundaries. I am the most adorable, fluffiest, awesomest pet ever, and you will worship me with chicken and gifts and treats and brushings and 'nip and...oh yeah, I like bacon and ice cream. Those too. Adore me. Love me. Gimme that food you're eating. Now.
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