Junior Showcase

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls or crushing Ice......I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention....I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees... I write award- winning operas...I manage time efficiently... Occasionally I tread water for three days in a row... I woo women with my sensuous and Godlike trombone playing, I can pilot a skateboard up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook thirty-minute brownies in twenty minutes....I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in Love, and an outlaw in Peru.. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play Bluegrass Kazoo. I was scouted by the Dodgers....I am the subject of numerous documentaries...when I’m bored...I build large suspension bridges in my yard...I enjoy urban hang gliding...On Wednesdays...after breakfast, I repair appliances free of charge... I am an abstract artist , a concrete analyst...and a ruthless bookie....Critics worldwide swoon over my exotic line of corduroy evening wear.....I don’t perspire...I am a private citizen yet I receive fan mail...Last summer I toured Holland with a centrifugal force demonstration team...I bat .444 My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles...I am the only person to have ever won an Olympic gold medal in the short lived Lawn Dart competition at the Helsinki Games... Children trust me... I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy...I once read Paradise Lost ,Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening...I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket...I have performed several covert operations with the C.I.A...I sleep once a week ...and when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair....while on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery...The laws of physics do not apply to me... I balance....I weave ....I dodge ...I frolic......and all my bills are Paid... On weekends..to let off steam.......I participate in full contact Origami.... Years ago I discovered the meaning of life....but forgot to write it down....I have made extraordinary 4 course meals using only a Mouli and a George Foreman grill...I breed prize winning clams..I have won bull fights in San Juan , cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka...and spelling bees at the Kremlin..I have played Hamlet I have performed open heart surgery..and I frequently channel Elvis..I have swam with sharks, grappled with bears and wrestled with alligators, boxed kangaroos and just now one-upped a clown named Otis..but, I have not yet been to college....I've been everywhere but the electric chair, and I've seen everything but the wind, I 've known every man that was ever worth knowin' and every last one of them still calls me friend

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