My charisma is so powerful there have been vaccinations created for it. If I was to give you directions, you would never get lost, and you would arrive five minutes early. I am left handed, and right handed. I dont believe in refrigerators. My food stays fresh purely out of respect.
When crossing the street, I look only left, then right, not left-right-left, because I dont dwell on the past.
When I give a woman roses, they never die. Unless she cheats on me.
My secretary is the President of Cyprus.
I dont pay taxes. I just leave the IRS a tip.
I always oversleep, because my alarm clock is afraid to wake me up.
I had an iPhone before Steve Jobs did.
When I go to donate blood, they give me the snacks first.
I once attended a cockfight in Chile. Both chickens fought harder when they saw me in the crowd.
A bouncer at a London nightclub once made me pay cover. The British Pound collapsed the next morning.
It has been rumored that stainless steel rusts in my presence.
As a child, my Huffy bicycle had an automatic transmission.
Donald Trump named a building after me.
The Federal Reserve sets interest rates based on my mood.
My beard was a tank commander in World War II.
NASA brightens the moon to make my dates more romantic.
Where I shop, Nintendo Wii’s are always in stock.
If I try on a shoe that doesnt fit, the shoe apologizes.
I once couldn’t decide between Tylenol or Advil for my headache. So they made Bayer.
When I ask questions, Alberto Gonzales does recall.
My Wikipedia article spans the length of the Mississippi River when printed out.
My smoke alarm text messages me if there’s a fire.
My drivers license expires in the year 4207.
“Star Wars†is based on a dream I once had.
I have amassed an incredibly large DVD library, and I have never once alphabetized it.
If I was to mail a letter without postage, it would still get there.
When it is raining, it is because I am thinking of something sad.
The pheromones I secrete have been known to affect people miles away, in a slight but measurable way.
I once punched a magician, thats right you heard me.
My blood smells like cologne.
My hands feel like rich brown suede.
The police often question me, just because they find me interesting.
My Interests
I'd like to meet:
I am like a wild horse. You can't tame me. You can put the oats in the pen, though, and I'll come in for a nibble every day. But the minute you shut that gate, I'll jump that fence and you'll never see me again.
