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barrett page

I am here for Friends

About Me


"there wasn't a clear, identifiable emotion within me, except for greed and, possibly, total disgust. i had all the characteristics of a human being-flesh, blood, skin, hair-but my depersonalization was so intense, had gone so deep, that the normal ability to feel compassion had been eradicated, the victim of a slow, purposeful erasure. i was simply imitating reality, a rough resemblance of a human being, with only a dim corner of my mind functioning. something horrible was happening and yet i couldn't figure out why-i couldn't put my finger on it."

"... where there was nature and earth, life and water, i saw a desert landscape that was unending, resembling some sort of crater, so devoid of reason and light and spirit that the mind could not grasp it on any sort of conscious level and if you came close the mind would reel backward, unable to take it in. it was a vision so clear and real and vital to me that in its purity it was almost abstract. this is what i could understand, this was how i lived my life, what i constructed my movement around, how i dealt with the tangible. this was the geography around which my reality revolved: it did not occur to me, ever, that people were good or that a man was capable of change or that the world could be a better place through one's taking pleasure in a feeling or a look or a gesture, of receiving another person's love or kindness. nothing was affirmative, the term "generosity of spirit" applied to nothing, was a cliché, was some kind of bad joke. sex is mathematics. individuality no longer an issue. what does intelligence signify? define reason. desire-meaningless. intellect is not a cure. justice is dead. fear, recrimination, innocence, sympathy, guilt, waste, failure, grief, were things, emotions, that no one really felt anymore. reflection is useless, the world is senseless. evil is its only permanence. god is not alive. love cannot be trusted. surface, surface, surface was all that anyone found meaning in... this was civilization as i saw it, colossal and jagged..."

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

"remember? ohh, i wouldn't do that! remembering's dangerous. i find the past such a worrying, anxious place."the past tense", i suppose you'd call it. ha ha ha. memory's so treacherous. one moment you're lost in a carnival of delights, with poignant childhood aromas, the flash neon of puberty, all that sentimental candyfloss... the next, it leads you somewhere you don't want to go... somewhere dark and cold, filled with the damp, ambiguous things you'd forgotten. memories can be vile, repulsive little brutes. like children i suppose. haha. but can we live without them? memories are what our reason is based upon. if we can't face them, we deny reason itself! although, why not? we aren't contractually tied down to rationality! there is no sanity clause! so when you find yourself locked onto an unpleasant train of thought, heading for the places in your past where the screaming is unbearable, remember there's always madness. madness is the emergency exit... you can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. you can lock them away... forever."

My Blog

japanese thriller


Posted by on Mon, 19 Jan 2009 20:58:00 GMT

NICE FUCKING MODEL


Posted by on Thu, 11 Dec 2008 17:44:00 GMT

dwarf party


Posted by on Sun, 31 Aug 2008 00:15:00 GMT

alice


Posted by on Thu, 14 Aug 2008 22:48:00 GMT

chainsaw maid


Posted by on Sun, 10 Aug 2008 22:26:00 GMT

one of the best scenes ever


Posted by on Tue, 24 Jun 2008 20:24:00 GMT

WHERES TERRY.

i miss shenmue.ryo hazuki is a dumb dude.
Posted by on Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:19:00 GMT