84820400

I am well built. I don’t really like the smell of garbage or shit. I have a brother who plays professional baseball. I am taller than almost every midget. I was once the reigning 'Funniest Human on the Planet'. The next year, I was on People Magazine's 'Lousiest Individuals' list (ranked 3 just behind Joey Travolta and Piccolo Pete). It has been all downhill from there. I can't read minds..but I can read small shorts. I am writing this while horizontal on a friend’s couch in Spain. I will be horizontal in my flat in about an hour. I have a friend who could use a Tic-Tac (or an ass-mint). I haven’t drunk a Big Gulp in over 37 months. You may find me with a high-powered fan blowing in my face (I like that). I have been living in Europe since December 2004. I miss my family and friends. I like corn (the vegetable), but I don’t like finding random kernels in other foods. I have a big family, but we are not Mormon. I think that cavemen probably had it worse than me. I don’t have any tribal or Chinese symbol tattoos. I have a journal that I have packed with me to several countries…and I haven’t written in it. I like tasty food as opposed to…lousy food. I would like to 'crack a few codes'...like the dude in War Games. I have never lost all my clothes and had to wear a barrel with suspenders. I HAVE slipped on a banana peel. I have never climbed Everest, but I HAVE climbed on the roof of Meyers Elementary. I hate a lot of shit. I occasionally drink too many cold brews and feel crummy the next AM. I have worn braces twice but my teeth are still not perfect (you should wear your retainer). I have a bad back. I once threw a stinkbomb in the mouth of the Holiday Talking Tree in Meier & Frank. I am chronically shirtless, but not because I think I have a nice physique (shirts are chaffy). I hate when there is a horizontal scroll bar on a web page. I have met Gwen Stephani...and I liked looking at her face..and other. I like laying down. I screen my calls. I am in another time zone….