About Me
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Anywho, what you wanna know? Im crazy, and i dont mean crazy like 25 year old women who work in an office and call themselves 'crazy' just because they mix their drinks at the Bull N Bush on a Friday night. Oh and then they go 'wild' and try and ACTUALLY kiss the Kebab Shop owner, trinkling around in their gold jewellery with their bingo-wings flapping around in the cold Manchester breeze, their very life force being sucked out of them by the White Lightning they imbibe, and the copies of Viz magazine they use to wipe their pissy twats with, not once noticing the irony. No, not crazy like that. That is poo.
They should die.
alot.
Other than hating the general population, i like crashing motorbikes, drugs, sex, parties, clubbing, theiving cocaine off prostitutes and porn stars (especially if they're thick as pig shit and live in some swanky house in lah-dee-dahh land....{Mornington crescent}), playing in my sleaze rock band Nothin To Lose, and have just formed a Rammstein tribute band. But they wont let me set fire to myself. Gotta get back into the stand up comedy as well. But have formed a duo with my big fat friend, and we do comedy songs.
Tattoo's are good, and i have 2. Unfortunately, that is not enough, and i wont rest until my arms look like a piece of stilton cheese. And for all the girls who say "errr i hate men who have lots of tattoos", i reply, "well fuck me before i get any more then".
P.s - i'm respectful to all women. Except dykes, they should die. And feminists. But the two usually go hand in hand, so when i kill them, im geting rid of both - kinda like knobbing two birds with one johnny eh? Errrr.
Here is a breif list of the people I hate, chavs, bouncers, van drivers, learner drivers, British people, foreigners, assistant managers, celebrities, big brother fans, royalty, relations, authority figures, toffs, poor people, tramps, sailors, road workers, ice cream salesmen, rockers, goths, emos, grungers, trendys, geeks, lord of the rings fans, chavettes, prostitutes who complain, porn stars who complain, you if you complain, bar tenders, pimps, gang bangers, sado-masochist freaks, people in suits, people not in suits, football fans, sport fans, music fans, BBC emplyees, parking wardens, groundskeepers, anyone skilled in a trade, anyone who wears socks, photographers, STUDENTS AND ARTISTS, you again, everyone.
Except for people i like.
BUT
LIFE IS FUUUUUCKING SWEEEEEET. IT RULES
Dis iz me best matey and me rocking out @ Syn Cult
Ooohh spooky
SON : Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
FATHER : It is the most divine thing ever concieved by the holy Lord, it is the softest silk, the early morning dew, men would travel to the far reaches of the World for it.
SON : That sounds lovely dad, what does it look like afterwards?
FATHER : Ever see a bulldog eating mayonnaise?
