adam

being the most evil evil bendyall thingsS hakiraand E vanescence and la payita más maravillosa y perfecta. . .sabes que eres mexicano si... you have ever been hit by a chancla you grew up scared by something called « el cucuy » others tell you to stop screaming when you are really just talking you light a candle on the night of the lotto drawing you use your lips to point something out you constantly refer to cereal as « con fleis » your madre yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner even if youre in the same room you can dance ranchera, cumbia or salsa without music you use « manteca » ( lard ) instead of olive oil and cant figure out why your butt is getting bigger you call your sneakers « tenees » you have at least thirty cousins you cant imagine anyone ¡¡¡not liking!!! spicy food you are in a 5-passenger car with 7 people in it and a person shouting « ¡oye! vamos, estamos esperándote. súbanse, ¡todavía caben! » whenever you feel under the weather, you compulsively dab on some « vics » vapor rub all over your chest and inside your nostrils your madre packs your « lonchera » everyday you or someone you know uses « tres flores » in their hair tamales, enchiladas champurrado, posole, flan and menudo are all must - haves on thanksgiving there is more dos equis and corona than punch at joven juanitos cumpleaños there is at least one member in your family name maría, guadalupe, juan, josé, or jesús everyone still thinks césar chávez is the best boxer even if he lost against oscar de la hoya youve gone to the « pulgamarket » every weekend for years. you step into a house that has all those little figurines taking up every inch of space on/under the tv you have something on your wall that has to do with the catholic church, jésus cristo, or la virgen de guadalupe you have a porcelain cat, dog, buddha, or elephant in your living room you have plastic slipcovers on your sofas you swear « choco mil » is the same as « slim fast » and try to lose weight by drinking it you have a drunk tío/a youre still afraid to open that umbrella in your house you not only know who don francisco from « sábado gigante » is, but you tell people hes your tío your madre, tía or hermanas hair is blackcherry, « sun in » red or a burgundy that would make celia cruz jealous you always try to find out what town another fellow Latinos family is from you have ever had to « beepiar » a friend on their pager you wear your sunday best to do laundry at the laundrymat and go grocery shopping you have told your kid not to walk the floor barefoot or theyll catch a cold you go to a wedding or « quincieñera », gossip about how bad the comida is, but be the first to take a plato to go you have a bottle of « tapatio » in your purse your cousins are « delinquents/hootchies » you have a chola in your barrio named « la flaca » whos bigger than a house you know that « cristina » puede romper la madre de « oprah » any day you have a cousin named « guero » who's darker than night. you know a « chola» named « la shy girl » who is loud and obnoxious you need to point out how much something you just bought cost you go to a white friends house for dinner and dont understand the concept of sitting at a table youve tried to bring a mango back to los ee.uu. from méxico ( y te damos bonus points si tú volviste a tu casa y aun los tuviste ) you have a bottle of « bacardi » or « tequila » in your house right now you drive a « cheby », an « ohsmobeel » or a « bolswahgon »estás muy orgulloso a ser mexicano and you pass these jokes on to all your mexican friends!