Born out of wedlock, I am the sole lovechild of Queen Elizabeth and the late great explorer Jacques Cartier. Abandoned soon after my secretive birth deep in the Balkan Mountains, I was discovered by a blind goat shepherd with narcolepsy who delivered me to the doorstep of the King of Luxembourg. It was under the King's wing that I was raised, and became an avvid fencer and barefoot spelunker. The King had dreams of grooming me to become a diplomat, yet my passion for American popular culture and Carne Asada led me to run away to explore the unique city of Los Angeles. It was here that I discovered my love of walking barefoot in hot sand, poor people, nude sunbathing, and mass murder. I have begun to chronicle my unusual journeys, and hope to soon turn my memoirs into a film. Mr. David Hasselhoff is set to direct and star as my adopted father, the King of Luxembourg.
My Interests
I'd like to meet:
David Hasselhoff, Tom Selleck, Harrison Ford, Rob Schneider
