scott

Well, hi every body. It has been a while since I have updated my life’s goings on, and I have to say I have had quite the adventures. I was able to, by the grace of God, and the help from this Asian dude, I think his name was Kwan, able to pass my GED exam. Ahh, the doors that opened up for me. I got a killer job mopping hallways and cleaning urinals at a local Montessori school for girls. I also went down to Mexico and found a “doctor” that could take care of my extensive maxilo-facial surgery issues. Since then, I became much more comely and appealing to the ladies, or so I thought. I had been seeing this wonderful woman that I just happened to meet standing out on the street corner, and for only a nominal fee, we were able to spend a solid hour together three times a week. Things were going splendidly for us until, one evening, the authorities saw me handing this gem of a lady, my soul-mate, as I had come to think of her, 11 dollars, and it all went down the crapper from there. After having a “glamour shot” taken of me, I was gently placed in free accommodations for several months. I am currently on parole, and taking full advantage of it. After my release, and due to the genius of liberal, “bleeding heart” activism, I was granted the opportunity to meet with a therapist. She led me to understand why I am still in the fecal-oral stage. We think it has to do with what happened, during my brief stint in the slammer, mainly, the frolicking antics in the prison shower. Fortunately, I have worked through much of it while writing my new book, “In the Outdoor, and Other Prison Shower Anecdotes.” I had a lot of visitors whilst in the clink, unfortunately, most them were septuagenarians. (Look it up). But it has led to a fairly steady dating life, as the nursing home is just a short bus ride away. There are few things more sensual and pleasing than extremely large glasses, the smell of Ben Gay, skin wrinkles that you can get lost in, and vulvo-vaginitis.Needless to say, I am living the dream. Now that isn’t to say that I am off the market by any means. This pure man-stud and juggernaut of good decision-making is still on the prowl. Yep, that’s right ladies, I gots plenty to go around. So if I was able to suckle you into the clusterf..k that was my idiocy before all these profound life changes, I can’t imagine how life’s gravitational pull will draw you into my web of sticky discharge and contagion. Praise Allah!!