Supreme Commander of the Legion of Awesome

I'd like to meet:

When I first meet you, unless there is something immediately present in your personality or your appearance that sways my natual reaction, I will expect that you serve no greater function in society than occupation of a space in traffic that would flow more freely were you to have the good sense to die. Know this, accept this, and anticipate this.

Los Angeles is infested with Clones. Browse this very website to find them. Go ahead, do it. Click "Browse" and filter for women in Los Angeles. So many fucking people here are Clones. I'm interested in meeting people who read books with more than 200 pages and no illustrations. I'm interested in meeting people who derive pleasure from stimulating conversation that contains words comprised of multiple syllables. I'm interested in meeting people who can look objectively at the societal norm and give it the big Up Yours that it deserves.

No one should tell you how to dress, how to act, how to look, how to think, how to behave. Your apparel should not be determined by the catalogued pages of soul-consuming industrial-sized-for-your-convenience, one-stop-shop malls and department stores. The only person who should be making the decisions that affect your life is YOU. If you let MTV tell you what's hot and what's not, you can fuck off right now, because meeting me will only lead to me wanting to smash your face in with a wrecking ball.

While I'm on it, followers, meanderers, panderers, peddlers, sycophants, supplicants, duplicates, suckers, sucklers, lemmings, sheeple, drones, Clones, pop-culture whores, "reality" TV suckers, vapid vassals of vacuous vacancies pretending to be freethinking human beings, anyone who is a member of Oprah's book club, anyone who watches Dr. Phil, and vegans need not apply.

And why stop there? Anyone with a display photo of a specific body part, their underwear, or a photo that isn't them, can fuck right off now. Any person who spells the word "you" as "u," "one" as "1," "before" as "b4," or any other such nonsense on a regular basis can also feel free to place their heads in cuisinarts. If you honestly think that the word "girl" should have a "u" instead of an "i" in it, you can shove an M80 in your twat and count to ten--this will ensure that you spare the world from the unfortunate possibility that you might otherwise breed. Additionally, iF YoU TyPe LiKe tHiS, i'M gOiNg tO hunt you down and smite you with furious vengeance. Trust me, it's for the good of the human race.

Additionally, if you meow, mewl, wear cat ears on any sort of a regular basis, or do anything catlike, I will want to smack you. I'm definitely a dog person (partially influenced by my allergy to cats), and I really don't find the childish cat schtick funny or attractive. I find it obnoxious and purile.

Since I have just described a vast majority of the human race, in all probability this means that I don't want to meet YOU!

If you have read this far and found most or all of it funny, feel free to message me.