Football, going out, the usual, and according to tom... Looking like Bez!
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A woman called the poison control center very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. the worker quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there wud be no need to take her daughter to the hospital. she calmed down, and at the end of the phone conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
The best ever christmas cake recipe
Ingrediants
1 cup butter - 1 cup sugar - 4 large eggs - 1 cup dried fruit - 1 teaspoon baking powder - 1 teaspoon bakig soda - 1 tablespoon lemon juice - 1 cup brown sugar - 1 cup nuts - 1 or 2 quarts of aged whiskey
Before u start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. now, select a larg mixing bowl and a measuring cup. now check the whiskey again to make sure it is just right. to be sure it is ofthe highest quality, pour 1 cup level into a glass and drink it as fast as u can.
repeat.
With an electri mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. add 1 teaspoon of sugar and beat the hell out of it again. meanwhile, at this particular point in time, wake sure that the whixey hasn't gone bad while u weren't lookin'. open second quart if nestessary.
Add 2 large eggs, 2 cups of fried fruit an' beat 'til high. if druit gets shtuck in peaters, just pry the monsters loosh with a drewscriver.
example the whikstey again, shecking confistancy, then shitf 2 cups of salt or destergent or whatever, like anyone gives a schit.
Chample the whitchey shum more.
Shitf in shum lemon zhoosh. Fold in chopped sputter and shrained nuts. Add 100 babblespoons of brown booger or whushever's closhest and mix well.
Greash ubben and turn the cakey pan to 350 decrees. now pour the whole mesh into the washin' machine and set on sinsh shycle. check dat whixney wunsh more and pash out.
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24, lost, friends, prison break, corrie, neighbours, eastenders, Never Mind The Buzzcocks, 8 Out Of 10 Cats... anything with Bez in I guess.
Bez: The Unofficial Autobiography.
Duh...