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Grohlism is the new religion, taking the world by a storm!
It came into existence in 2006, when God came to three women in their sleep, and told them to spread the word - Dave Grohl is God.
The religion is based around the belief that Dave Grohl - lead singer of amazing band the Foo Fighters, and ex-drummer of Nirvana, as well as playing in numerous other groups, including Queens of the Stone Age and Scream - is, in fact, the Lord Almighty. His fellow bandmate, drummer Taylor Hawkins is the Son, whilst guitarist Chris Shiflett and bassist Nate Mendel are each a part of the holy spirit.
The disciples of the religion, namely Sarah, Laurel and Tara, are about to partake on a crusade, anyone wishing to join them would be hugely welcome. Any non-believers in Grohlism shall be crucified, after a period of torture, whilst any believers may join the ranks of the Grohlism. Once the crusade is finished, the world shall be a utopian society.
A reformed world shall come out the darkness, the basic principals being as such:
- Dave Grohl is God.
- Taylor Hawkins is the Holy Son.
- Nate Mendel and Chris Shiflett are the Holy Spirit
- Laurel, Tara and Sarah are the top disciples
- Every person left in the world shall be named Omega Grohl, after the lowest Greek letter
- There shall be annual tests to ensure that Grohlists truly know their God. These tests shall commence at the age of 3. In the initial tests, Grohlists shall only be expected to have a basic knowledge of God and his lyrics, but as time passes Grohlists shall be expected to have an in-depth knowledge of Dave Grohl, and know all his more obscure lyrics, including from his Pocketwatch and Touch soundtrack songs.
- Any Grohlist who fails to pass the annual tests shall be crucified.
- Grohlists who do particularily well on annual tests, or work hard to create a utopian society may move up the ranks in society.
- As a Grohlist moves up the ranks, their name changes, so they move from being called Omega Grohl, to being Psi Grohl, to Chi Grohl, all the way up to Beta Grohl.
- No disciple may be named Alpha Grohl; that is reserved for the high Priestess' Laurel, Sarah and Tara.
- Realising they may not be thouroughly loved by every citizen, Tara, Sarah and Laurel shall live in a mansion on Mount Everest, surrounded by 22 fire-breathing dragons, to prevent any assasins.
- Every morning 2 of Dave Grohl's songs must be sung, as well as 1 before lunch, and 2 every evening. Different songs shall be sung each day.
