[.Fanny.]

I just stole your car, set fire to your couch, humped your boyfriend, ate your last piece of pizza, drank your last beer, shit on your coat, called your father a dingle berry, peeded all over your toilet seat, called the police and told them you were mean to me, broke your calculator, made a flip book out of your post-it notes, wrote obscene messages on your driveway in sidewalk chalk, mixed up all your socks so you have one navy blue and one black one, left your refrigerator door open, left your freezer door open, left your front door open, asked your priest to excommunicate you, looked through your mail but didn't find anything interesting so I put it back, switched your calender with a 1996 one, changed your screen saver to the windows logo, switched all your clocks back 1 hour, licked all your stamps and put them on the ceiling of your stolen car, made a random post trying to make you cry, invited twelve stray cats into your place and watching the sit on the burning couch, run up your long distance bill asking china if they really loved white rice, played darts with your neighbor, the dart board was the side of your house, I won, vacuumed your carpet then dumped the bag on your bed, set your bed on fire to watch the dust burn, it wasn't that interesting so I took a fire extinguisher and put it out, watched the couch burn some more cats, invited a stray dog over to chase the burning cats, got hungry again after eating your last piece of pizza so I ordered another one, its in your refrigerator but the doors still open, called your work and told them you died in a horrible gay experiment, told the same thing to your dad.