After thirty years in the remote mountain regions of Taiwan, Tench are back in Salisbury with a sexy masseuse named Megumi and a brand new E.P.
Anti-Everything launcher features all of the classic Tench anthems including "War Bastard", "L.I.V.O.", and "Neil Buchanan set me up for a lifetime of underachievement", all lovingly remastered and boxed with fourteen hours of bonus material.
With their catchy melodies and soulful grooves, Tench have created a modern classic and are set to sweep the board at the BRIT awards, the Grammys, the Latin Grammys and the M.O.B.O.s. Don't believe the hype? Then just hear what these important celebrities have to say;
"Tench? Yeah they're sound. This one time i was up for a statutory and they gave me a false alibi. Then the girl killed herself! What a numpty!" - Lee Ryan
"Tench's musical excellence can be directly attributed to their unusually high thetan levels. With the power of Tench's music, we can finally rid the world of depression, schizophrenia, substance abuse, homosexuality, tuberculosis and even malaeria. Or we could if it wasn't for the international conspiracy of psychologists. You see, the modern practice and application of psychology can be traced back to Nazi Germany where... (continues for two hours) - Tom Cruise
"Tench? Where? Oh Christ i'm having a flash-back" - Sir Cliff Richard
"Our client wishes to make it clear that she is not and has never been in any way associated with the popular musical group "Tench". Any further allegations of this nature will be met with swift, litigious reprisal." - Lawyers acting on behalf of ***** ********
"Hit da bomb! You know Westwood's got love for Tench! Their blast-beat game is strong and their riffs are straight blazin'! Go hard or go home!" - Tim Westwood
"You've got some fucking nerve coming here! Where's my money bitch? Where's my fucking money!!!? - Dame Helen Mirren
So there you have it. If you would like to purchase a shiny, shiny copy of Anti-Everything Launcher for your very own, just email your debit card details, PIN number, mother's maiden name and a scanned copy of your passport photo and fingerprints to
[email protected]
Tench are available for weddings, bar mitzfahs and decadent, "Skins"-style house parties. Peace out.
Disclaimer: All celebrity endorsements are entirely fabricated. Please don't sue us. We don't even know you.
