About Me
The name's McDonald. DOB is January 3, 1963. My father is Ray Krok, who had recently bought the McDonald's corp when I arrived in this world. My mom is unknown to me (though I hear she was a dirty tramp).
When I turned four, my dad took me on vacation to Richmond, British Columbia. He purchased his new compant from a couple of punk kids, and since that day, he has taken me all over the world.
At that time my name was Raytowesha Krok, and I was kind of an inventor. At a young ageI invented these great sandals that were super comfortable. They had holes in the out sole so the feet could breathe, and they came in many stylish colors. Nevertheless my dad informed me I was a failure. So I changed the "K' to a "C' and sold the shoe patent to some other guy. They seem kind of popular today. After this I changed my name to Ronald McDonald, painted my face, ran away and joined, obviously......
...the marines.
While in the Marines many made fun of the name Ronald McDonald, mainly because it rhymed. I was also made fun of for my CLimactic out of tOWN look, and so they called me a "clown". That made up word would later be used quite often. But the insults for the face wouldn't be as bad as if they had recognized who I really was. I was excluded from everything, but that made me tough as a Hardee's biscuit. Those years would prove to be valuable experience for me. But those weren't my worst trial. Seeing men die on the battle lines are the hardest thing you can possibly imagine. Corporal Ronald McDonald was almost ready to pull the trigger on himself and go up to the fryer in the sky.
Lucky for me (and the future of fast food advertisement), the gooks soon surrendered. I thanked God the war was over, and packed my bags.
Look out America, Ronald McDonald is comin' home.
When I moved back I befriended many new people including Grimace and the Hamburglar. Grimace is my best friend though, even if he is a little overweight from all the fast food. But then again, its his fault for making bad choices. If he planned his meals more carefully, he could eat at McDonald's without the worry of getting so out of shape. But everyone is supporting his new diet (thanks in part to a large donation from JOHN MCCAIN, FUTURE U.S. PRESIDENT). Those guys are like brothers to me, and founded the Ronald McDOnald Fan club.
How about the big question? Everyone always asks me if there is a Mrs. McDonald. Well almost; she ran away and married "Old" McDonald. You see, I was dating her and I was ready to pop the question but it turned out she only was with me because of my big "mcnuggets". So the moral of the story is always advertise your salad first.
But then there's the posers. There may be people that act and dress up like me, but I'm McDonald (yes im the real Ronald), all the other McDonald's are just imatating so won't the real Mcdona... nevermind.
Still, More people know my face than Santa Clause. I have big plans folks, and I'm Lovin' It!
-
Click here to get Falling Objects
<
