Beautiful Disaster profile picture

Beautiful Disaster

The Bravest thing you can ever do is be yourself.

About Me


I suggest messaging me before any friend requests. Cause I'll just fucking ignore you, or tell you off for being a stupid whore. I don't collect friends. Period.
If love was a choice, who would chose such exquisite pain?
I really don't know what to say in here, I've said so many things over the last 4 years that I've been on here that I'm tired of editing.
I'm kind, too kind. I care about those I barely know and I want people to be happy. I put others before myself and I've been taken advantage of too many times. When I try to make things better I usually make them worse. I don't pretend to be anything but me. I can't fake or lie my way out of a box so take it as it is. I've gotten into trouble and people have accused me of leading them on etc for the things I did when I never told them I wanted more. Like I said I can be too kind. I will go out of my way to bring a smile to someone's face. I try to be a true friend.
I work in an office right now and I'm not liking it. Its deffinitely not something I want to be doing the rest of my life, but I still don't know what I want to do or what I want to learn and this is paying the bills so here I am.
I have an insatiable appetite for knowledge, the only problem is it has to interest me at least a little bit or I'm going to go off and think about something else. My mind is always running, it never stops. Just once I wish I could stop thinking, just for a little while to know what its like.
I like all kinds of music, I'm ecclectic but I do have my favorites. I was brought up in and around the theater so yes quite frequently I listen to show tunes but some of them are pretty damn funny (I.E. Avenue Q ) so you can bite me if you don't like it.
I'm tired of trying to win people over. Either you like me for who I am or I couldn't care less. I'm not the party type, I like going out but I don't need to be blasted to have fun and there doesn't need to be a million people around. I don't like being the center of attention and more often than not I drift into the background and watch the people around me. I've notice more and more that I watch more than I do. Which is good because you learn to pay attention and you get to know people more if you listen and watch. However, I'm tired of JUST watching. I'm bored, incredibly and endlessly bored. Perhaps restless is more the word for it. I don't smoke, I barely drink and that's that. Don't ask me to join you I'll just shake my head and there's nothing you can do to change that.
I'm not high maintenance, or a sissy priss type. I don't worry about my hair all that much and I don't need to wake up in the morning wearing make up. The only time that happens is because I happened to put some on the night before and fell asleep with it on, which also means it will be smeared all over my face. ^_^ I don't keep up with the latest fashions nor do I really care that much. I wear what I like and I could care less if it's 'in' I once had someone say to me "I need new clothes, these are two years old" I wanted to punch them in the face. I thought that was rediculous. But anyway, Long story short, I'd rather be in comfy clothes sitting on the couch than wearing stripper shoes to a club.
We all have our problems and sometimes mine overwhelm me. I have my bad days like everyone else, but just know that if someone needed me I'd be there in a heartbeat. I am last in my book, its fucked me over too many times but I can't seem to break this habbit of being there for my friends.
I'm not very confident, I try to fake that, I won't lie but sometimes its what you have to do. You can't hunch your shoulders, hide under your hair and shrink into the corner every chance you get. My job doesn't allow me to be meek and quiet and withdrawn. Unfortunately the jobs I have had over the past few years have been unable to accomodate the shy timid side of me. I have trouble speaking up for myself and I often just sit and take it. Unfortunately because of that character flaw that also means that when I've had it. I've really had it. I'm already gone and moving on because I just can't take anymore. I don't have much self esteem but I'm working on it. I know that I'm worth more than I allow and I shouldn't make it so easy for people to walk all over me.
Contradictory to some prior statements. I'm a bitch, and a goddess. You don't like it that's just too fucking bad. I should be treated like the goddess I am and I deserve it. Don't fuck with my friends or fuck me over because I will more than likely knock your ass out. I don't sit by while those around me hurt those I love and care about. I'm tenacious and its not always a good thing. I'm a stubborn little Aries and if I have to I'll knock you out to prove my point. Sort of like when Ron White thought he won the debate by saying "yeah well Fuck you!" if nothing else I will revert to this childish tactic....you've been warned.
Bad song, but funny as hell!
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Lady Raven Starlight

 

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Decent people. I'm tired of people using, abusing, walking on, and ignoring me. I may not always be right but I have the right to say whats on my mind just like everyone else. You don't have to listen, just don't stiffle me.

I deserve someone who will be there for me if I need them, give me space when I need it and treat me best of all. I've never asked for much out of people and usually received it. This time I'm changing it around, I deserve the world! I'm not saying I need gifts and to be taken out all the time but its nice once in a while. I don't want anything from you that I can't give to you. and I only expect the same. I will go above and beyond all I ask is for half that. I don't want an alcoholic or addict. Its too stressful for me and I refuse to deal with it any longer. I want to meet someone with similar interests but I don't want to have everything in common. That becomes dull and boring and you eventually can't stand each other. I don't want perfection, again this is completely dull and boring. Surprises are always good and fights have to happen.

I have been through enough to know that you can't just settle. Set your standards and your goals and go for it. Easier said than done in most cases but you have to go through the uphill climb in order to reach the top and if there was an escalator, well....there's really no fun in that unless its the down escalator and you need to figure out how to get to the top without getting tired....but I digress and this has nothing to do with anything so I think I'm done talking now.

Music:


Heroes:


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Part 2

(Fair warning to those of weak constitutions and those of the male persuasion)the story continues....Cerri danced the rest of the night wit hRick. He was pretty good looking, but in an average way. Th...
Posted by Beautiful Disaster on Fri, 10 Oct 2008 04:50:00 PST

Part 1

Ok, so I've been writing a little off and on and I've had a few people ask me to post it so they can read it, so here it comes. Be nice!The clock had just turned eight p.m. and Cerridwen's friends wer...
Posted by Beautiful Disaster on Wed, 08 Oct 2008 03:40:00 PST

Thoughts.....

OneDrowningpaniccan't breathe, can't breathepainbrokencan't breathe, can't breatheclosing intrappedcan't breathe breathedeafeningsilencecan't breathe, can't breatheso tiredeyes won't shutcan't breathe...
Posted by Beautiful Disaster on Sat, 10 May 2008 07:41:00 PST

The one that got away

Its horrible that I can't break this pattern after so many years. I think about him and my chest actually hurts. My breath catches and I cry....its been years since I've even seen him and it still tea...
Posted by Beautiful Disaster on Mon, 05 May 2008 07:02:00 PST

Incompetence

Ok, so before I go into this rant I would like to state that I do not think I’m the best at what I do. I could do better and learn more and I make mistakes too. That being said, here comes on of...
Posted by Beautiful Disaster on Tue, 08 Apr 2008 07:53:00 PST

Lost

I find myself wanting. I don’t know for what I just know that I’m not happy with things right now. I’m starting over, so this would seem like an ok time to be unhappy, because when y...
Posted by Beautiful Disaster on Thu, 03 Apr 2008 10:00:00 PST

Sorry

To whom it may concern                  I'm Sorry. It doesn't matter what for because I know I've done something to upset or h...
Posted by Beautiful Disaster on Thu, 24 Jan 2008 08:19:00 PST

I'm just your door mat

Honestly do I have to explain this one? I mean really. If you can't figure out what's going on you're stupid and shouldn't be bothering to read this. Just know that without all the pretty words and ob...
Posted by Beautiful Disaster on Fri, 29 Jun 2007 07:25:00 PST

Father of the year...

What kind of person invites their ex wife to their wedding? I mean honestly its rediculous. I haven't talked to him in 2 years now nor have I wanted to. He has barely tried to contact me despite one v...
Posted by Beautiful Disaster on Tue, 23 Jan 2007 02:29:00 PST

Call it Jealousy

Ok here goes. You don't want to hear me bitch, moan, complain, or all of the above you'd best click the fucking back button now. I'm tired, call this a rant if you want but to some it will be just ano...
Posted by Beautiful Disaster on Sat, 13 Jan 2007 10:54:00 PST