Here is a brief history of max. In 1978 a nuclear bomb test went awry when the bomb self detonated at the lab before it got to the testing site killing thousands and leaving hundreds of thousands more horribly disfigured or geneticly changed forever. That has nothing to do with me though. My birth came about exactly 45 seconds after moses threw the ten commandments off of the hillside and hit my mother and father in the head like a jackass. They both died instantly and i was able to birth myself through sheer will power to live. nine years later at the age of 3 i had started a small myrrh trading firm. to this day i still don't know what myrrh is but it sold very well with wealthy women. i lived comfortably until an assassin sent by my arch enemy, the pope, attempted to assassinate me. luckily my assassin-be-gone worked well enough to make him sneeze giving me the chance i needed to wake up and flee. tired of living off my own wealth i took to the countryside traveling about with nothing more than dragon skin leggings, a cup for water and a pocket full of hopes and dreams. however, ever the oportunistic one, i set up a small golf course in the artic region north of russia. i quickly learned that i couldn't have picked a worse location because a large thunderstorm swept in and destroyed everything. my spirit wasnt to be broken though. i befriended a golden armor wearing polar bear when i saved his life from a raging mother sea lion. he let me in on some insider stock secrets that allowed me to buy out all of europe and a portion of the united states. i raised an army of indestructable gerbil warriors. i fed them iron tablets and fire until they became the ultimate fighting machine. using my new found power i conquered the rest of the known world not only in this reality, but in 3 other dimentions as well. emporer of earth was a good title but it was also lonely. i realized the entire while the only thing i really wanted was parents that would never love me and put me down constantly. fed up with my life i gave everything over to my commander in chief, nibbles. at the age of 20 i am now living my dream life while a jacked up drunken rodent rules the world in my stead.
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