[:Ἔρεβος:]

"A fact is a figment of a truism, therefore all facts are inconclusive. Fictions are devices to explain the indefinables; our whole systematic coherence is so forged." Austin Osman Spare
"Be above it! Make the world serve your purpose, but do not serve it." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe , Faust
"Carcasse, tu trembles? Tu tremblerais bien davantage, si tu savais, où je te mène." Turenne
"Here then, at the outset, is a potent secret which is inaccessible to the majority of people; a secret which they will never guess and which it would be useless to tell them: the secret of their own stupidity." Eliphas Levi
"The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age." H.P. Lovecraft
"Where'd you get that death head at? And you ain't even lived through it." Random Bum who asked me for a cigarette
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom the emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stare wrapped in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed. The insight into the mystery of life, coupled though it be with fear, has also given rise to religion. To know what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their most primitive forms - this knowledge, this feeling is at the center of true religiousness." Albert Einstein
"Fuck the doomed." Richard Millhouse Nixon
"The reasonable creatures of earth, or men,
let them vex and weed out one another;
and the dwelling places, let them forget their names.
The work of and and his pomp, let them be defaced.
His buildings, let them become caves for the beasts of the field.
Confoundth her understanding with darkness.
For why? It repenteth me I ever made man.
One while let her be known, and another while a stranger,
because her's is the bed of Babalon, dwelling place of him that is fallen."
Libra
Sun: Libra
Decanate: Gemini/Mercury
Degree: 22°30'-23°30' Libra
Mode: Cardinal
Element: Air
Fixed Stars: Arcturus, Alchameth, Spica, Arista
"Individuals born under this sign are thought by practitioners of astrology to have a clever, articulate, outgoing, fair, artistic, social, refined, diplomatic, sensual, even-tempered character. The Libra person is said to be co-operative, equalivent, demonstrative, playful, open-minded, self-sufficent, pleasant, urbane, partnership oriented, avoids conflict, balanced, graceful, idealistic, charismatic, peaceful and egalitarian. They are prone to rationalize, be easily deterred, detached, indecisive, lazy, are also thought to be flirtatious, extravagant, frivolous, impatient, envious, aloof, low-self-esteem, vindictive, and quarrelsome."
Background
There used to be some sort of direction in my life. A plan. Point A to Point B, etc. But now I really can't say where I will head next. What great scheme I'll concoct. What form of salvation I'll seek. There are just so many options to be considered. Pro's and Con's that ultimately must be weighed. School is a must, but when and where are the most pressing questions. There was once a great exodus planned but I fear that too has fallen into the real of pleasant fantasy. I've spent years trying to maintain focus, to make goals, only to end up compromising everything for some sort of momentary happiness.
Interests
There are few things that keep me still manage to keep me content - my painting, my photography, my dearest, the occasional spurt of binge drinking, a fresh pack of camel lights. I've found time to continue reading, working through a seemingly endless pile of books. I've been thinking about getting into music again. The guitar is completely out of the question, my arthritis has seen to that. EBM is always an option. I'm just waiting for the right midi controller to pop up on ebay. I desperately need to keep some sort of outlet.
On Myspace
I don't know why I keep on with this myspace foolishness. I really don't talk to people here. The attempt is always quickly aborted due to the pressures of boredom which give way to total disinterest. Maybe it is that I can't find any sort of kinship in the counterculture. Maybe its drifted too far from what I once thought it was. Maybe I'm just getting old. I get so sick of the self-diluted tirades and shrines to self-worship. Congradulations, you've posed for some sort of third-rate basement photographer, performed your horrible push-button electro for a whopping crowd of 30 people, 10 of which you've fucked, you're published in your friends e-zine, you've sucked some d-list celebritiy's cock, you have 1,001 "friends" who couldn't give a shit if you pulled your head out of your own ass long enough to comment their page with some sort of half-assed photoshopped picture of yourself, you must be so proud.
Making Friends
I don't make friends easily. Shocker right? I don't feign interest well. I can't stomach the useless conversation or the effort required to hold your attention for longer than a second. I don't care about "your" opinions, if I wanted useless melodramatic banter I'd watch Fox News. I've been called an asshole. Even those few people I've manage to keep around for the long haul will readily and at times all too eagerly confess to finding me abrasive, callused, and entirely thoughtless of other's hardships. The real irony is that at times I enjoy the company of other people, to a point at least. I enjoy well thought dialogues. The occasional debate. Someone to drink a pint with and play retro video games into the wee hours of the morning. I suppose Bob Ross was right, everyone does need a friend.
Inconsistencies
I'm accommodating to a fault, and until a line has been crossed, will continually go out of my way to help someone. I'm irrationally optimistic and yet painfully and perpetually a pessimist. I place my dreams and aspirations on a pedestal and then laboriously undermine their foundations with my self-doubt until they are nothing but crumbled monuments to a mounting list of failures. I am too thoughtless when a situation warrants caution, too cautious when I have nothing to lose.
"Wild, audacious, rebellious...half mad by nature; a creature made to tempt and be tempted, to seduce and fall, about whom there was but one certainty, that he was irreclaimable." John Murray on Byron
What's In A Name
"In Greek mythology Erebus or Erebos (Ancient Greek: Ἔρεβος, English translation: "deep blackness/darkness or shadow") was the son of a primordial God, Chaos, and represented the personification of darkness and shadow, which filled in all the corners and crannies of the world. He was the offspring of Chaos alone. He was brother of Nyx and father with her of Aether and Hemera, according to Hesiod (c. 700 BC). According to Hyginus (c. AD 1), he was the father of Geras.
According to some later legends, Erebus was part of Hades, the underworld. It was where the dead had to pass immediately after dying. After Charon ferried them across the river Acheron, they entered Tartarus, the underworld proper. Erebus was often used as a synonym for Hades, the Greek god of the underworld.
The word is probably from Proto-Indo-European language, *h1regwos, cognate to Old Norse rœkkr, Gothic riqis "darkness", Sanskrit rajani "night", Tocharian orkäm "darkness". Another suggestion is a loan from Semitic, c.f. Hebrew erebh and Akkadian erebu "sunset, evening" (hence, "darkness"). The same etymology of "sunset" has been suggested for Europe." Wikipedia