Wanna Be Wicked

Don't gulp HOT coffee. Always look up and down as well as both ways before crossing the street. Never forget to tie your shoelaces the RIGHT way. When smelling the flowers, check for bees and other unsavory bugs. Find out the purpose of a tick in the food chain. When doing without, shut down. Don't pine for things you can't have. When you have things, don't pine for them. Slide across a wet floor and don't fall on your ass. When holding the pole on a NY subway, don't hold it with your cheek. If you feel like you're going to pass out, yell, "TIMBER!" When breaking in new shoes or sneakers, swear at them like there's no tomorrow. The day before tomorrow is today. Paranoid is not me; I'm just the one noid. When ordering pizza, ask them about the quality of the cheese. If you're going to administer a beating to someone, ask them if they like it first. If so, threaten them with something else. If you sing along in your car with music, do it badly; you should only do it well when someone else is listening. There is no such thing as "sterile". When at a movie, don't be afraid to talk to the twits who are being obnoxious and annoying. If you're ever followed by a yellow submarine, tell a cop who plays with a puss puss. Cats cannot dance on rugs unless their claws are too long and they get stuck. You cannot take dogs on exercise walks because they stop and smell EVERYTHING! When your eyes are closed, you're probably sleeping; when your mind is closed, that means you are a waste. Drink to remember, not to forget. When toasting someone, you don't have to clink glasses so hard that the thing breaks. If you love someone, tell them every time you see them or talk to them. You'll never know when the end jumps out at you. Don't fear regret. Don't regret fear. When raking the lawn, make sure it's not windy.