Greetings, mortal. My designation is Tom. Currently, I am attending SUNY Albany pursuing my undergraduate bachelor degree in philosophy, minoring in anthropology. I am very ambitious, hoping to one day be "not poor," and/or "not homeless." My spare time consists of being a total loser.
I have a very twisted sense of humor which requires very specific guidelines to be met in order for something to be "funny" and not "fucking stupid." Please contact a mental health facility to properly diagnose me. For the most part I am a very laid back person, and feel extreme empathy/sympathy for others. The only way to successfully wrest me from my complacency is to bring up politics, economics or religion. Aside from that, I have very low self-esteem, (ESPECIALLY around the opposite sex, which will undoubtedly result in my one day dying alone) so I overcompensate by acting as an aloof egoist would, all while taking subtle sarcastic jabs at my insecurities. Did I mention how awesome I am? I have no idea what to do with what will inevitably be the waste that is the rest of my miserable life. Any thoughts?
There you have it. There's nothing else to me, I'm done now, you may leave.
Love,
Tom
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||| 26%
Stability |||||||||||||||| 63%
Orderliness |||||||||| 40%
Accommodation |||||||||||||| 56%
Interdependence |||||||||||||||| 70%
Intellectual |||||||||||||| 56%
Mystical || 10%
Artistic |||||||||| 36%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||||| 30%
Materialism |||||| 23%
Narcissism |||||| 30%
Adventurousness || 10%
Work ethic |||||| 23%
Self absorbed |||||||||| 36%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||| 50%
Need to dominate |||| 16%
Romantic |||||| 30%
Avoidant |||| 16%
Anti-authority |||||||||||| 50%
Wealth |||||||||||||| 56%
Dependency |||||||||||| 50%
Change averse |||||||||||||||| 70%
Cautiousness |||||||||||| 43%
Individuality |||||||||||| 43%
Sexuality |||||||||| 36%
Peter pan complex |||||| 30%
Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||||| 77%
Histrionic |||| 16%
Paranoia |||||||||||| 43%
Vanity |||||||||||| 43%
Hypersensitivity || 10%
Female cliche || 10% Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
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"I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh."
"I wish somebody would invent a fruit that had no seeds, tasted delicious, and would scream when you ate it."
"As I walked through the woods, I looked up and saw a squirrel. I smiled and he smiled. At least I think it was a smile. My teeth were showing and my cheeks were pulled up. That's a smile, isn't it? (The squirrel was definitely smiling.)"
"To my way of thinking, there's nothing that can't be cured by a big ol' pot o beans. Except maybe bean fever."
-Jack Handy
"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him."
Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001
"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority."
Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002
-Mr. Bush
"...and my wrath shall wax hot, and I will kill you with the sword; and your wives shall be widows, and your children fatherless."
Exodus 22:24
"I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation."
Exodus 20:5
"The tender and delicate woman among you, which would not adventure to set the sole of her foot upon the ground for delicateness and tenderness, her eye shall be evil toward the husband of her bosom, and toward her son, and toward her daughter, the tender and delicate woman will be forced to eat her own children "that cometh out from between her feet. And toward her young one that cometh out from between her feet, and toward her children which she shall bear: for she shall eat them..."
Deuteronomy 28:56
"Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it."
Malachi 2:3
-God
"It fortifies my soul to know
That, though I perish,
Truth is so-"
-Clough
"If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter."
-Washington
"Progress is not an illusion, it happens, but it is slow and invariably disappointing."
-Orwell
And Darkness and Decay and the Red Death held illimitable dominion over all.
