Bloody Awful Lazaro Poet

Who am I?.....Perhaps that can best be told unto thee in my favourite anecdote:Let me tell thee about the time I fought and killed Mahatamahuma, the crazed African green mamba, king of snakes, during my time in the wilds of Ghana.But first we must go deeper, further back into my troubled past. When I was I mere babe, not even a manling, my parents were killed in an horrific accident, the likes of which had never been seen before. My father was travelling on a night flight out of East Midlands airport, my mother, was aboard a national express coach northward bound upon the M1. At the stroke of midnight, a bolt of lightning struck the plane carrying my father and sent it hurtling earthbound, and most freakily, the wind was high and thus the plane was set upon a perfect collision course with the national express bus carrying…my mother. The details are far too horrific for me to recant here, but suffice it to say, I was thus left an orphan child.Yet it is clear to me now that fate had a particular destiny in store for me, set in motion long before that sorry day.My lone grandmother, unable to cope with the bereavement and the stresses and strains of llama farming, gifted me over whilst still a babe to the Azuma Ninja tribe, who stole me away to the foothills of Mt. Fuji. For the next 18 years I knew nothing but spiritual and martial training, my only companions were my Sensai, Grand Master Michisuke and Manobu, the Azuma nija shitsu. I learnt to use many weapons – sword, hair straighteners and SPADE, a weapon that would serve me only too well in my encounter with the feared Mahatamahuma!So to that Sunny, sweltering day in the village of Pieng in the northern wilds of Ghana. Hacking through the bush we found him: King Mahatamahuma, the giant mamba, killer of 14 men and at least 93 Goats. We instantly recognised the beast, and many of my travelling companions fled in terror, but I, of course knowing no fear from my rigorous training, stood firm.The snake met my gaze and spaketh unto me (I’m a ninja, I can understand snakes): “hsssssss!!! Fear me for I am Mahatamahuma of the insatiable bloodlust, lord of the undergrowth, I shall strike you with my venom for trespassing upon my lair! Hsssssss!!!!” Needless to say, I replied unto the snake “Do your worst foul bellybeast of Satan, for I will do mine!”Me, armed with my trusty spade, and the beast, with his razorlike fangs set about the dance of death. Oh how I lunged, parried and struck, my Azuma ninja training was tested to its limits, my soul sung with Kai (what we ninja call the spirit of battle). The snake coiled and struck time and again but he could not brake through my impenetrable ninja block. Then, in one fluid movement, the snake coiled and made his final death strike – in a split-second I brought the cold metal of the spade up to meet his strike, the dull blade sang out with the noise of the contact. And then, as the beast was stunned, I brought the full force of the spade down upon his crown, and lo, there in the undergrowth, I took the head of the feared Mahatamahuma, the crazed African green mamba, king of snakes. MyGen Profile Generator