mallard profile picture

mallard

There are some things I'll never understand... like why a country needs a God and a woman needs a ma

About Me

take a look around. i am a super freak. can't touch this nor can nobody hold me down, oh no. also, i think i may or may not be all about the benjamins baby. we're looking in to it. i think it's important for all to know that i am often caught trying to unravel life's most mindboggling enigmas such as "why do they call it dry humping when it makes you pretty wet". truly thought provoking things like such. FYI, i wish i could teleport, ya kno???? JK LOL OMG. my ankles (and lets be honest, wrists as well) are insanely weak, so much so that they can barely support the weight of my own body, often causing them to buckle under the pressure at the most innopportune times. below is a graphic of what it looks like when i attempt to wave with my repulsively weak wrists, after i have morphed into a fuzzy little kitters.in conclusion, i am now officially a c-cup.

My Interests

i pretty much love fuzzy little critters and frittering away my life. that is about it. alright, alright, FINE! sometimes (any time i am not visibly out in public) i like to sit in my room naked, listening to the hanson christmas album and relive the night my little sister was conceived over and over again.my reason for living, my source of endless entertainment, the polar bear plunge. indulge yourselves, indulge i say!!!

I'd like to meet:

you in a dark alley, but not so i could fuck you up, just so that we could get jiggy away from all the prying eyes. also, my other half, although i would settle for a fourth, and if things go really badly even a sixth. .. width="425" height="350" ..

Music:


i am an emo son of a bitch. you do the math.

Movies:

Gone With The Wind: Classic. Quills: Joaquin Phoenix (my lubber) having sex with a corpse (disturbing but moderately arousing) Mallrats: "My grandma always said, why buy the cow ... when you get the sex for free?". The Wedding Singer: For people who don't hate themselves. Garden State: (For people who DO hate themselves, lolling of course) Because I too am quirky and adorable. You just may not have figured it out yet. You know the drill. This is me assuming.

Television:

friggin' the o.c. even though it went royally donwhill i still have to represent. sex and the city even though it makes me feel like everywhere i go, regardless of whether its the little girls room to take a pee or the dentists office getting a root canal, that i should be meeting a new man at all occassions. arrested development because hey, this isn't going to be a day at the beach. and seinfeld too, well, because i am george and elaine if their characteristics were to be rolled into one super hot underaged girl such as myself.

Books:

Gone With The Wind, hands down no competition whatsoever. contest is over. that's all. this is it. coming in at a veeeeeeeeery distant second however is The Great Gatsby. an unoriginal answer, it's true, but classic love stories are my cup of tea ... that is assuming I drink tea, and heartily enjoy its existence. so much as to say it is the top of the top of what i would fill my metaphorical cup with. are you following me, 'cause this is getting more than mildly intense ...

Heroes:

I idolize nothing except the extraordinary cameramanship that is demonstrated in the following photos.you freaks are too fabulous to be ignored.oh and this makes me happy in ways you'd never even imagine.