Dolly Daydream

* This is a page devoted to the search of the "twixter".* I am let down by ideals. I was told I could change the world and found out I couldn't or haven't. I am trying to figure out where home is or what that means, but I have no direction. I exhaust myself trying to connect. I am trying the traditional institutions passed on to me- marriage, career and spirituality- and living with the reality of their deterioration. I compare my life to my friends who seem more accomplished, but none of us are really content. I feel lonely. I medicate or escape my loneliness and develop addictions. I am never satisfied because I can always upgrade- a new job, a new computer or TV, a new home, new town, new friends, new significant other... I dream of adventure, of connecting, of belonging. I am a scholar, but have little place for my scholasticism and a whole lot of debt. I am an artist, but it feels really hard to create. I wonder if I will ever be complete and find "home".