T-ONY

THE PENIS WANTS A RAISE
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
1. I do physical labor. 2. I work at great depths. 3. I plunge head first into everything I do. 4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. 5. I work in a damp environment. 6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation. 7. I work in high temperatures. 8. My work exposes me to diseases.
_________________________________
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the management denies your request for the following reasons:
1. You do not work 8 hours straight. 2. You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after EACH brief work period. 3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. 4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen visiting other locations. 5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order t! o start working. 6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. 7. You dont always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. 8. You will retire LONG before you are 65. 9. You are unable to work double shifts. 10. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task. 11. And if that were not all, you have constantly been seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely, The Management
5 reasons not to be a penis..... -You're bald your whole life -you have a hole in your head -Your neighbors are nuts -Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint
INTERESTING FACTS
-It is impossible to lick your elbow.
-Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
-Nearly 30% of female lottery winners hide their winning ticket in their bras.
-Leonardo DiCaprio got his first onscreen kiss from a man!
-The number of births that occur in India each year is higher than the entire population of Australia.
-Frogs cannot swallow without blinking.
-90 percent of women who walk into a department store immediately turn to the right.
-The chances of you dying on the way to get your lottery tickets is greater than your chances of winning.
-In Pakistan, goats are often sacrificed to improve the performance of the stock market.
-No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times.
-More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
-A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
-In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.
-In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die!
-If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
-In India, people are legally allowed to marry a dog!