Music:
Member Since: 17/05/2006
Band Website: www.myspace.com/30shortsongs
Band Members: Jolly Jerry Tomandharry - Known as "that which we do not speak of" by colleagues, this longstanding member of the geriatric adult film community has lent his considerable talents with colostemy bags and a moderate talent with a guitar to our gaggle of the damned. His voice, while it may sound like the inside of a blender loaded with rock salt and gravel, has a certain scratchy-record quality of nostalgia and camp to it that modern bands are blatently reproducing endlessly in an attempt to capture some lost niche in the music industry that was deemed "cool". Jolly is here for that very reason. The entire genre of "phantom bands" was solely thought up and engineered by Jolly in the 1980s, but accidentally forgotten about when no records were recorded or released. After a near-death-experience with an electric toothbrush and a tube of Krazy Gluue, Jolly realized that his realization was happening for his life's goal dreams. He was going to get the band back together, and this time, it was for KEEPS.
Bill Plynenbourge - A longtime member of the local blood bank and infamous for buying cheesburgers on installment plans, a hobo is at much at home in a band of ghostly night burglers as it is in the center of a delicious hobo sandwich. Bill lost all his money by investing in stocks that didn't exist. More specifically, he threw his money into a cement mixer that was churning some lye and the ink ran out of the money and he tried to spend it but the person at the counter said it wasn't real money because it was all white and he was like "no its real the ink ran off because I tossed it in some lye" and the chick was like "no its not real because its not money its just a piece of paper" and there was this big argument and they had to get the manager and in the end Bill got a free Slushie.. which I stole from him, and through a series of what could only be described as zany events he joined the band as a roadie, but after the original mandolin player mysteriously dissapeared, he stepped up to fill those considerably large shoes. Bill also plays classical guitar, djembe, and the lottery.
Florence Dongolson - former nightly news anchor and hot mom, Florence Dongolson led a life filled with regrets and mid-life crisii, at one point leaving her family of 4 to go to L.A. to shoot some pornography with bandmember Jolly. Little did she know this union would burgeon into a fruitful relationship/affair, and eventually lead to the selling of her minivan to buy a bass guitar. Florence then quickly learned to play it by watching the Max Weinberg 7 perform every night on Conan. By watching them she also developed considerable skills on the piano/synthesizer, production and studio work, and how to do one-liners that are funny only because Conan says them. She toured briefly with Opeth and Coheed and Cambria, but eventually fell ill to the dreaded malady "ass gout" and ironically got her ass kicked out of both of those soon-to-explode-hugely bands. Forced to recon with normal life again, she got a job as a berserker in northern Ireland and worked with the Sjoldgraff Raiding and Pillaging Company of Northern Ireland, doing shipping and recieving work.. until she recieved the TPS report that changed her life... and through what could only be called an exactly identical series of the zany events that happened to Bill ended up joining the band as a whore, but later worked her way up the ladder to "touring member" and finally the coveted "permanent member" position.
Bpjorg Blrjnghanssforn - all-American Joe Bpjorg was a 9-5 working stiff who had a decent job and an average family. Some of the kids were sort of ugly but he was ok with that, as long as they wore makeup. His wife used to be hot.. but she still kinda was.. but not THAT hot, really. It was sort of a tossup. Some days she was, some days she was not. The continual pressure of trying to decide led him to leave his family (in an abandoned mine, chained to a support brace) and hit the road to find himself. Along his travels he met Pete the talking worm, and together they traveled the land sharing tales of regalia to others who would hear them. It is said that Bpjorg once washed his pants. After growing bored with and eventually sitting on and killing Pete, Bpjorg responded to an add in the local paper asking for a seasoned orgasm-faker to perform a few lines for a hit single. The rest... is history.
Influences:
Sounds Like:
Record Label: Sanderson & Sanderson LLC
Type of Label: Major
