The name's Smart. Maxwell Smart. And that's all I'm going to say in this section. Everything else is classified information, except for my moniker. I was a little hesitant to reveal even that for this MySpace thing. A fellow can't be too careful, you know. That's why I demand discretion in making contact with others outside of CONTROL. Yes, discretion and a complete knowledge of all signs, passwords and countersigns. So, if I were to say "The migrating birds fly low over the sea", you'd have to answer with... Just a minute.
No, no, 99! I'm handling this myself!
Now, where were we? Oh, yes... of course. I was explaining why I can't tell you anything more about myself, which is really a shame. You aren't getting the real me, so you can't be expected to understand my quest to insure that the forces of niceness and goodness triumph over the forces of evil and rottenness.
What's that? You already know the countersign? Who sent you to this page? Hmmm. The Chief, eh? Okay, let's try it. I say, "The migrating birds fly low over the sea." You say (sorry, that's classified information).
No, wait. That's not right. Ehh, listen. I'm not going to make this easy for you. Would you believe that every sign and countersign known to man is filed away in my exceptional memory? Would you believe half of them? How about all the ones that begin with the letter "Z"?
No? What's that you said about shadeless windows admitting no light? Don't tell me THAT'S the countersign!
I ASKED you not to tell me that!
All right. You're in. But this discussion warrants a Magenta Alert. We'll have to continue underneath the Cone of Silence.
All I have to do is turn this switch and press this button...
(Fifteen minutes later...)
Oh...Kay.... Sorry about that. Comfy? Good. This is a top security device. We can now talk About Me with no fear of being overheard. What? Excuse me? What did you say? I'm having a little trouble hearing you...
First of all, did you know that CONTROL is the only government agency no one has never heard of? Why, the fate of the Free World rests in my hands! There are no holidays in the fight against evil - I take espionage seriously. And... loving it. I was meant for this business. Washington, DC is my birthplace and my home. My family is scattered here and there... my mother, Uncle Abner, Aunt Bertha, Uncle Harry and Aunt Rose, a couple of cousins... my cousin Harvey is in the cab business, and my other cousin is a used car salesman.
I'm an Army man - I was a corporal in Korea. A CONTROL scout recruited me right after I finished college, and I breezed through Spy school with the exception of my Torture classes. The outside world knows me as a greeting card salesman. That's my cover. But in reality, I'm the organization's top agent! I'm up for Spy of the Year again, by the way. I'm highly intelligent, extremely perceptive, and absolutely fearless! CONTROL could never fire me... I know too much. I'm a snappy dresser - did you know I was voted one of the Ten Best Dressed Spies in America?
In my day, I was a swinging bachelor, but now that 99 and I have married and started a family, I'm a devoted husband and father. Although 99 does bring up Ann Cameron every once in awhile, I've learned my lesson. Besides... the Chief is the one who's to blame for that!
I still drive the world's coolest car and foil KAOS with an ever changing array of sophisticated gadgets designed by the fellows in CONTROL's lab.
But I rely mostly on my wits. I foiled the old Professor-Peter-Peckinpah-all-purpose-anti-personnel-Peckinp
ah-pocket-pistol-under-the-toupee trick with ease, you know. But, I'm always on the alert - I have to be! Why, on Halloween, KAOS tried the old inflatable-head-in-the cloak trick. I was fooled for a minute... that's the second time this month I've fallen for it. I took a swing at that cloak and accidently activated the laser beam security device in our apartment. That disintegration ray is really something! Missed Fang by that much. You remember K-13, don't you? He's not on active duty right now, but with a bit of a refresher course, he could be Top Dog again.
But enough about Fang... this is MY MySpace and MY About Me, though I will mention my lovely wife, who has her own page, by the way. She's the sunshine of my world. Check out our snapshots... aren't we a fine looking couple? We're perfect for each other! OUCH! Why did you squeeze my pinky???
I edited my profile with Thomas' Myspace Editor V4.4
I edited my layout at .. , check out these Myspace Layouts!
Myspace Counter
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