Ethan

Even at my worst you'd be hard pressed to know that I was at my worst. I hide it very well. i can laugh and cover it up. I work very hard at that. I don't want people's sympathy. I don't want it to seem like a gimmick like I just want their attention. i don't want to be the kind of person who mopes around just so people will go 'what's wrong?' or 'oh my God, he's really depressed.' If you talk about it too much, I think there's something insincere about that. Most of my social behavior is a mask. It's all fabricated and it serves a couple of purposes. One is to hide and protect my true feelings and the other is so that I can continue to function socially and in reality. It's not very practical to be a depressed recluse, you know? I am anti-social. I am not a deviant. There's a distinction. Everybody is responsible for defining right and wrong for themselves. There is a difference between things that are taboo simply because society doesn't understand them and something that is truely deviant.

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