About Me
Wounded people are dangerous. They know that they can survive. "Sometimes in life we are pushed to do things that we beleive are right. And not only until after we realize what we've done was wrong, and have seen the extent or the result of our actions, do we see what we've deprived ourselves of." The broken. The Beated. The just damned. The Past.The events that led up to 19 year old Peyton Sawyer’s life were not pretty. They ranged from death to heartbreak, misfortune and lost opportunities. Along the way she learned and lost, more losing to her then anything. Don't think that her life had always been bad. For the first ten years that was not the case at all. She was born to Anna and Larry Sawyer on July 1, 1988. She was the only sibling and grew up that way. Peyton was a bright, bouncing baby girl with golden locks that curled ever so beautifully and hazel eyes that could turn green one moment and brown the next. She had other attributes that drew people to her, such as a beautiful smile, full of all the happiness in the world and the way that she just let other people in on it was amazing. Kindergarten for her was when she could truly show this and people noticed. She had made friends but none that stuck because; well she spent every free minute she could with her parents. She guesses, now, that this was her downfall. At the ripe age of 8, she was coming from a dance rehearsal and she was outside waiting for her mom. More and more had mom had been coming late and she hated it. After waiting for as long as she could, she actually was picked up by her dad that did not look happy. He had told her and she immediately felt a rush of guilt and sadness fill her. This was the day that she also felt loss.High School. The broken girl moved on, but without a mom, but with a best friend. Her name was Brooke Davis and she was kind of sorta the polar opposite. For one, she had brown hair and eyes with dimples. Secondly she was very, chipper to say the least. Third and this was big, she was popular. Every girl wanted to be her and every girl wanted to have her. Being friends with her, Peyton got all of this just in a lesser version by default. People knew that they had been friends for awhile, since....well Peyton's dark day but some people still couldn't understand the friendship. Peyton and Brooke didn't care. They were together and they understood and that, well that was all that they needed.Love...or something like it. Nathan Scott, came onto the high school scene in a big way. He was the first freshman on the Varsity basketball team and he was Dan Scott's pre successor. Peyton knew him as the arrogant jock who had a follower and she loathed like no other. Somehow, someway, he made his way into her life in a big way. They started to date but this, this wasn't love. At first she felt that it was but, it was for physical reasons only. This relationship had made her vulnerable in a lot of ways and she didn't know if she could, or ever would be open with a guy like that.Brothers. That was what Nathan seemed to leave out but everyone knew by their sophomore year. Lucas Scott was indeed Nathan Scott's brother and different in many ways. He was the less arrogant, smarter brother with piercing blue eyes and blond hair. Peyton fell, but slowly and soon, he had her and her heart. The only problem was that he belonged to a certain best friend of hers and she was too late. A little too late, she thought so but in the end, she ended up having the first regret of her life. She ended up helping this blue eyed wonder, cheat on her best friend with none other then herself. Brooke and Peyton had never been the same but then, they were nothing.Something New. During the whole dissolution of her friendship, Peyton had someone, somewhat there. His name was Jake and he had an amazing daughter Jenny. Peyton was still talking to Lucas, but keeping her distance and Brooke, well she lost hope there. Jake turned into her shelter, someone that she could lean on, even thought that killed her. In the end, she developed feelings for him but he had to leave. She felt her heart leave with him that day but that wasn't the end of something new. No, Lucas left to move to Charleston and Brooke, well she forgave Peyton. No need to throw 7 years of friendship down the toilet for a boy right?Let's try it again? Things didn't last long. Brooke and Peyton were friends yes, but Lucas came back. As he did, Peyton was friends with him but he was in love with Brooke...again. Not wanting to be the fifth wheel Peyton stayed away which led to her feeling more alone then ever. All of these feelings never went away and she found a...a substance to help her thru the pain. It may have only been once, almost a second time but Jake was there watching over her again. This time though, like the first it didn't last long. Not wanting Jenny to be taken away from him by the mother he left to go to Savannah leaving Peyton all alone and more confused then ever.With silent eyes, we slept. As a junior Peyton was glad that things were soon ending. Soon coming to an end and she needed this. One day, she got a very surprise visit from a person she didn't even knew existed. Her mother, well Ellie dropped by springing the surprise on her. At first, Peyton couldn't believe it. Later on, with her dad home and a whole summer later, he confirmed what she knew deep down. Peyton kept shutting her out; thinking that her mom died along time ago but then...she found out Ellie was dying to and couldn't believe it. She spent time with her, making an album but sooner, rather then later, Ellie's cancer took her over. Losing not one parent, but two and having her heart broken twice was amounting to all too much for her...but things didn't end there. One day in school changed all of that as Jimmy Edwards shot her; she kissed Lucas and Keith, well Keith died. Things could and would never be the same.The Wedding from Hell. So soon after the shooting, but not too soon, Haley and Nathan were remarrying. Brooke and Peyton were at odds again because, well Peyton loved Lucas again. The thing that no one knew was that this wedding, like many others in Tree Hill would end in tragedy. A car accident led to a hospital stint which led to Peyton being there for Lucas and Brooke ending their relationship. After months of Lucas's relationship with Brooke changing over and over again, he finally settled on Peyton. He wanted to be with her and for always.Forever just got shorter. Senior year was probably the most important one to Peyton. Not only did she date Lucas but she was in good favors with everyone. Brooke and her were back to being best friends and Lucas was the perfect boyfriend. Or so she thought...In the end, she and Lucas broke up, him not wanting to be with her anymore. She should have known, but she moved on. Moving on was easier then she thought just because after school, she was headed to LA to work on her dream internship. This and Brooke alone were the things that got her thru that year. Also, one very important guy that became a little something more to her.Explanations of the heart. Jason Wahler pretty much shook up Peyton's senior year. Yes, he was older and yes he was new to Tree Hill but he seemed to have her captured from the first look. After the first meeting, they went out on a date, and just like that she was smitten, but in the same night she was turned off and things ended before they even started. Nathan was there for her, and before long, they dated. Nathan didn't revert back to his old ways and was nothing but nice to her. She fell in love...or so she thought. What she didn't admit was that she loved Nathan but couldn't fully love him. Something was blocking her from doing that which ended, well caused her asking for a break which turned into a full on break up. She spent a lot of time with Nikki and Jason two very importantly people in her life.So Many Boys. After the break up with Nathan, Peyton just spent a lot of time with her friends. The one there for her mostly was Cades, even letting her stay with her for a bit. Peyton didn't go on that trip alone; she was with Tim Smith who needed to get out of Tree Hill as well. That night, on their drive there, sparks seemed to fly with them and never ended there. They got back home and things started to heat up even more ending up in them being together. Peyton was glad but someone was not done with her yet. Someone she never had been truly over but had never admitted it, to anyone, let alone herself.Surprise surprise. After Tim and Nathan, Peyton needed a break. Maybe something was wrong with her, or maybe her heart had been broken too many times to truly love someone but that break between Tim and the next guy didn't last long at all. Thinking back, you couldn't even call it a break because, well she cheated on Tim. Peyton just had Derrick, well Ian come back into her life and once again harm her. That night, Jason was there for her and he poured his heart out to her again. This time, she couldn't hide her feelings and they started to date. Tim was no longer her friend, Nathan wasn't around but she always had Cades and Nikki and now, the love her life Jason. Something that she should have realized a longtime ago instead of burying it.Whirlwind Romance. From dating, to engagement, to married this was only in a 3 month span. Some thought that they were moving too fast or were crazy for that matter but they thought that love could conquer all. Their love at least could. The main problem though was the arguing. They argued but loved each other so much that the fights were worth it and everything would soon get better. One night, Peyton just couldn't fight anymore. She did love Jason, but she felt that love could not be this hard, it shouldn't be and she asked for a break. Instead, she got a man that wanted nothing to do with her and a broken heart. Let's try again? After the little break actually she knew right away that she had made a mistake. Peyton had loved Jason always and nothing would change that. After much talking he decided to take her back but only to take things slow. For awhile everything was going good. They went out on a few dates and just, things were nice. Things were the way that they had been like the way beginning of their relationship. Slow was good until one night and even worse then before he handed back his wedding ring. This, devastated her and she pushed herself into her work to get thru it all. One day he shows up, and right away she's back in his arms. He always did have that spell over her. They spent as much time as they could together and things were, probably the best it had been inawhile. Peyton Sawyer was actually smiling and being happy. Living life to all it's potential as she was told to do but that ended before she could fully even love it.Whispers in the dark. Jason told Peyton one day that he wanted a break, well for it to be over and she listened. The only problem was that just a day later he wanted to get back together. Peyton being Peyton couldn't say yes, it just didn't feel right. Especially since she had feelings for a friend, and his ex best friend Jason Lewis. Everyone knows his reputation but she couldn't really resist the charm. Only when she told Jason this, he said some things that can never be taken back. In a span of 5 minutes she lost it all. Jason, Cades, Jason Lewis and Nikki, Jason's newly ex girlfriend. It was hard but little by little Peyton understood. JWahl believed that she was a hoe leading her to just forget about him all together. Jlew and her became friends again vowing to not hook up. Not hard at all since well they didn't get to do anything with each other despite contrary bellief but the one to this day that hurts is Nikki. She was Peyton's best friend and all and all an amazing person. Peyton understands why she is mad and has the right. Her and Jlew broke up about two days before Peyton let some people know that she wanted Jlew and he wanted her. She was sorry, so sorry for that but the heart wants more then the brain can ponder. She will always be sorry to Nikki. She didn't deserve this at all..Is there Truth in the breakdown. With everything that was happening Peyton felt lost but soon found solace in a friend from a longtime ago and a sister she turned her back on. Brooklyn Sawyer, her little sister was there to help her thru. They had become prettty much enemies before but now that they both weren't hanging out with people they hated the friendship came naturally. As well there was her little brother Bryan Sawyer there to be the amazing guy that he was. Keeping her sane. Jason Lewis, to understand and always be the Bosworth to her Charlie no matter what would happen or the consequences. Beau, an acquaintance from before that now was a full on friend making her laugh when needed and knowing that was helpful. Josh, the bestest friend from forever who understood and would always be there for her and last but not least Nate. He picked up the pieces when no one else wanted to and she loved him for that. People weren't kidding when they said people from LA were fake and didn't care about you. Peyton wouldn't regret the time with Jason since well, he had been her all for sometime. He had given her many memories but now thats what she had said they were, just memories. Now, she was back home and figuring out how to be her again. Without the drama, the backstabbers, liars and heartbreak. She was tired of that song, she needed a new one. Something that would cause her to believe in things again..The Storm that Brew. Living on your own, you depend apon yourself more and that was what Peyton was doing. At first it was hard. Something that seemed impossible because for so long it had been her and Jason. Finally she got over that and was actually trying to be happy. People say that she always has a waiting list for guys but she, she just neer really had one around her that could make the pain go away. That was until Nathan Scott. He had been there through out all of the Jwahl stuff and she was done with him, she wanted to put that behind her. Hanging out with Nate more and more each day she fell for him again, or so she thought. Things with them were heading for a relationship when an old friend, Alex Westerly came back into her life. Right away they became good friends and people could see the chemistry but Peyton really wanted to try things with Nathan. Soon enough, her and Nathan became official and they were good. Peyton, though, did realize she had feelings for Alex and had to let go of Nathan. She felt bad but she couldnt stay in a relationship like that..Tell me that your alright. Peyton started to hang out with Alex more and more, ultimately dating him. She was estastic to tell everyone that they were official then one night, and one joke kinda broke her. She felt like Alex was suppose to be the guy that would shield her from the hurt and instead he did that. It took a few days for her to even comprehend that and now, well they are just friends. She does still like him but her heart is the most fragile thing in the world under a hard exterior. She's scared to give it out again.Brother from another mother. The Sawyer family was dimishing in size. Peyton had lost touch with her sisters and only, lately had Bryan whom lived about 20 minutes from her. Then, out of nowhere a new Sawyer was intown and let's just say he had the name first. He is Anna's and Larry's son and a real piece of work. He was the golden California boy and Peyton's new older brother. To say that he brought the drama, especially for him in the ladies department wouldnt be too far off from the truth at all. Things were getting interesting and she was having fun. She was living life the way that she intended and not for anyone else and could be any happier. The Present.Need anything. Just ask...Not too hard. To me, the past is the past, so don't ask me about it. Some may know me, some may not. For those who do, well some of you may think you know me. Only the truest of them all do. I have been thru alot. Some say too much for a 19 year old and sometimes I feel like they are right. Tree Hill helped shaped who I am today but that wasn't just it. The friends that I cherished, the guys that I loved, they helped make me as well. Like I said before, some of you may know me, others don't. All preconceptions about me will be shattered when you talk to me. Alot of things matter in life, but in mine, surviving is most important. I have done some wrong in my life, had many mistakes and some regrets but I'm still living my life day in and day out for me. Can you say the same thing? Can you even think it?
The present and the future are what I am looking forward to. Life is this big mystery, this huge puzzle that I am piecing together slowly. People come in and out of my life and my head is not in the right state of mind to date at all and I HOPE guys get that. Using that word loosely in the only thing I can think of at this point since alot of the time people think what they want. Work and getting my social life back are most important to my me right now. I have a history. It will always matter in my life and if you don't like it well then move along, like I know you do. The All American Rejects said it best.
Ture Love isn't this fairy tale or a life that never knows pain, it's two souls, facing another and diminishing with each other into unconditional love.
