About Me
TIGHT BRO'S FROM WAY BACK WHEN
SUMMER TOUR 2000 COMPLAINT LOG7/14 Olympia: Arrived at Sean's to discover he had not eaten. When asked why he had not eaten, he offered several lame excuses as expected. Sean suffers from jerk-ass. -- Jared7/14 Olympia: Was told by Jared on 7/13 he would be arriving at my house 7:50 am the following morning -- did not arrive until approximately 8:32 am. Did not account for Jared operating on bongload time. It will be a long six weeks. -- Sean7/14 Olympia 9:45 am: We stopped at McDonald's before we even left town. Thanks Sean ("I'm gonna try not to eat at Taco Bell once on this tour" ha! ha!) -- Quitty7/14 Olympia: Justin is bringing & selling "Zippergate '98" T-shirts! We forbade him from having them anywhere near us. -- Quitty7/14 Spokane: "Aw, what happens when I take the filter end off the Mistee Maid and point it at Quitty?" That is what Dave did to me. -- Quitty7/14 Spokane: Quitty's peanut-sized bladder and elephant-sized appetite making... me... ANGRY! -- Sean7/14 Spokane: Jared didn't buy a big enough complaint log. -- Dave7/14 Couer D'Alene: Quitty broke the dash in a feeble effort to prove some forgotten point. -- Dave7/14 en route to Missoula: Jared contiously engages in humiliating impressions of his developmentally disabled clients -- obviously to steer attention away from his own mental inadequacies. -- Sean7/14 Missoula: Sean Kelly. Fuck you. He is so witty and asking for J.O. to put some pain on him and this will happen because of the childish ditching he and the band displayed. Fuck him. And all of you. -- Justin7/15 Missoula: Mighty Appetitey (Quitty) refuses to respect the need for tidiness in the van. He's all sittin' there eatin' and crumbs are flying everywhere, then he just brushes the filthy residue of his filthy meal all over our common space! Total disrespect! -- Sean7/15 en route to Rapid City SD: "Tugboat" Quitty snored all night. To elaborate on Sean's above complaint, when confronted with his unsanitary behavior, Quitty only made some flip remark about the van hardly being fit for animals anyway, and why should he make any special effort. He went on to complain about the heat and "my pen is invaluable, so be sure to put it back when you're done." Not even a please! Common courtesy asswipe! -- Jared7/15 en route to Rapid City: While whipping gloriously in the wind -- much like a greasy blonde flag -- Justin's hair got all on me. -- SeanPART 27/15 4pm Little Bighorn National Monument SD: Jared is terribly insensitive! And making things up about banana peels & stains. Such a petty, feeble rumor-monger is he. -- Quitty7/15 4:30pm Little Bighorn: I count on Jared's Misty Maid (tm) to provide the moisture. I don't need the downwind-from-spitting-Olsen experience. Or his latent "suck it" routine. -- Quitty7/15 en route to Rapid City SD: No one appreciates Dave's daredevil driving tactics -- reading while driving (pull over at the next library, professor!), or the "no hands" approach to steering, etc. Driver's ed. dropout or what! -- Sean7/15 Buffalo WY: Broke down, van won't start, what a surprise! Nice man from Lacey helping out. If we can get it started, we will cross our fingers and try to make it to Rapid City before dark. Oh yeah, my complaint is that we ran out of caviar and the crackers are stale. Bullshit! -- Jared7/16 Rapid City: Just like a drummer -- we're all ready to go in the morning, getting in the van and then: "was there toilet paper in there? 'Cos I forgot to take a (cute voice) #2." First, why now when we're all ready. Second, it's not like he forgot his pillow or juice. He "forgot" a pressing force of nature. Just like a drumbo. -- Dave7/16 9:15 am Rapid City: Jared reclining in the opulence of his own filthy gaseous stench. Not so fun for the rest of us. -- Quitty7/16 Rapid City: To expound on the former complaint: How with mere words to explain the foul stench emanating from the ass of the anal evil-doer Jared? Odors, by nature, have the tendency to lilt through or caress the air. What Jared's foul bowels create: crush, tear, infect, taint and humiliate all that is good and right in the world. O the woe he has brought upon us! -- Sean7/16 en route to North Dakota: My turn to drive and what do I find in the driver's seat? A PILE of crumbs! The culprit -- duh -- Quitty. -- Jared7/16 en route to ND: The continuing saga of "takin' care of #1" Quitty: The driver either pumps the gas or asks someone else to do it -- except for Quitty... he crawls in the back leaving his crumby residue. No gas enters van... no one else knows. Horrible. -- Sean7/16 en route to ND: Every time the slightest little thing goes wrong, Sean flies into a freaky man-rage & hits stuff & yells. I'm worried about the effects on young Justin but the trauma it causes all of us is substantial. I'm dreading the next time we need to jump start the van because before you know it: (bam) "Shit! I hate this! (bam) Cock!" -- Quitty7/17 Fargo ND: Big baby fight -- Justin & Sean. "Give me my glasses" "No, you open the door" "No, give me my glasses & I'll open the door" "Open the door & I'll give you yer glasses" "No, you!" "No, you!" "Etc!" "So forth!" -- Jared7/17 Grand Forks ND: Unprovoked nastiness from Quitty: "Shut up dickface." -- Jared7/18 Fargo 1:30 pm: Short-tempered, foul-mouthed, persnickety Jared! "What the fuck are you TALKING about?" Mellow out, man-rage, it was only a question. -- Quitty7/18 Minneapolis 7 pm: More more more of Justin's constant homosexual musings: "I'll dick your face." What? -- Quitty7/19 Minneapolis: After repeated warnings that his stolen glassware collection (ashtrays, pint glasses, carafe) would end up broken & a hazard to everyone, who do I find cleaning up broken glass just outside the van? "Don't worry about it mom, I'll take care of it!" Sometimes I have to punish my children. Believe me honey, it hurts me more than it hurts you. -- Jared7/20 Milwaukee 3pm: While pulling over unseasonably early in the journey (to get a soda -- who's looking out for #1 now mister?), Jared feebly attempts to pin the reason for this on ME: "I sensed Quitty's bladder was full." The old bait & switch. Nice. -- Quitty7/20 Wisconsin truckstop: So, if you didn't have to poop or pee, how ome you spent thrice the time I did at the store Sir Shitsalot? -- Jared7/20 Wisconsin truckstop: Jared complains when SOME of us are off conducting band bizness on the truckstop phone! Always assuming the worst & disrespecting the efforts of others in this band. He looks really small right now. -- Quitty7/20 en route to Green Bay: Perhaps the foulest & least legitimate thing ever to take place in this band -- Justin is growing a mustache (however weak & light) and Jared joined him in (snort) solidarity! It's probably because they think everyone in New York is doing it too. -- QuittyPART III7/20 3:30 pm somewhere in Wisconsin: The Mars Cheese Castle in Wisconsin is nothing of the sort! It's just a goddamn restaurant. -- Quitty7/20 5pm Chicago: Justin thinks he can disrespect the hirsute. My hairy knees are gross are they? What about your fucking grody lip? -- Quitty7/22 Indiana: How many times does this happen? We're at a gas station, ready to go, & where's Justin? On the phone-bone. The boy's ear is gonna come off stuck to the phone of these damn days. "Justin, we gotta go." The response will be either: hold up a finger at you, or just turn around. Ten minutes and counting this time... eleven... twelve... thirteen... fourteen... fifteen... sixteen... seventeen... eighteen... -- Dave7/25 12 noon Bloomington IN: Justin gave the cooler a haughty kick in order to spill all the spare change onto the floor. He then left it there, not even a pause to reconsider his terribly inconsiderate deed. Lookin' out for #1 indeed... -- Quitty7/25 He followed this disreputable action by telling me to "keep your knees off me" as tho the coziness of our surroundings is controllable. It's summer for everyone, dickface! -- Quitty7/25 Bloomington: "Lead Foot" Kelly barrels up to an intersection with no attempt to find the brake until he's already made a gaggle of septugenarians jump back onto the curb in terror. No, Sean, never mind the crosswalk, stop sign, rules of the road & common courtesy. Apparently the rules weren't made for YOU. -- Dave7/25 Bloomington: As we're running late & trying to get out of Bloomington & having already eaten out & gettin ready to charge, Jared suddenly realizes he left ALL his stuff back at the house. -- Quitty7/25 Kalamazoo MI: We are in Kalamazoo. I hate Kalamazoo & am counting the minutes til we can leave. -- Quitty7/27 Louisville 3:15 pm: Where to start with this Sean Kelly character? Last night him & crew stayed up chattering loudly as four of us were sleeping nearby -- not a big deal except that this morning I got up a healthy 8 hours later to use the computer but apparently the deafening clickety-clack was too much for cranky-panties Kelly & I got a taste of his patented man-rage! (sleepy version). Never mind the previous night's chatter -- in a cowardly manner he tried to blame it on our fellow houseguests. Jig's up, fool, I know your voice! The man-raging continued on & off thru the early afternoon as he perpetuated this charade about how he's the voice of the people, unafraid to speak out (everyone else in the room after he stormed out: "get back on the computer, man, you're not bothering us."). The panties only got crankier as he bitched about my hogging THE pen which is not THE pen but my pen. I kept buying THE pen but it always disappears within 12 hours so now I just hang onto MY pen & don't loan it out for instances of fantasy-fueled propaganda. -- Quitty7/27 Louisville: Typical for someone as self-obssessed as "what I'm not the only person on the planet?" Quittner to have any clue that he's being inconsiderate to those around him and just because they don't want to deal with a defensive bastard doesn't mean they're not annoyed. Get a fuckin laptop & quit interrupting my beauty rest, or I'll have to heave a MANRAGE! upon you! -- Sean7/29 car feeding station (?): Along with the gas rising in price as further east we get, so does Shawn's (yes this is how the female gender spells it) petty attitude. He cannot get past the notion that this is a whole-hearted, loving trip with the boys therefore he flails at every weak opportunity that he foresees at putting someone else down. You need to understand that women are the inferior gender and I shall use my great manhood to shut him up in any way possible. GET MORE SELF-RESPECT & RESPECT FOR OTHERS... dickface!! -- JUSTnottakingyourshit (Justin)8/2 NJ Turnpike 7:50 pm: Traffic at a standstill because STING dumped a bucket of come on the highway! Bastard. -- Quitty8/3 DC 6pm: Dave singled out a citizen of Washington DC (most likely singled out for his race) in front of the white house & asked him where the white house was. He then cackled with glee at this stranger's helpful nature, making a kind stranger feel like a tool in order to have a private chuckle at his little inside joke. -- Quitty8/18 Gulfport MS: Time to go to the show -- all the stuff's loaded. Is now the time to get on the phone? No Justin, no it is not. -- Jared8/19 en route from Houston to Austin 6pm: Jared only drove for 45 minutes before forcing Sean to take the wheel, and left the driver's seat hopelessly grodified! It's a moistening issue. -- Quitty (acting as proxy for Sean)8/20 Las Cruces NM 10:40 pm: Quitty takes a shit. 10:44 pm: Quitty takes a shit. Nuff said! -- Jared
