I'd like to meet some non-douchebags at the moment. I've lost my "muse" a while ago, and someone who can fill that void would be great. The job entitles you to basically never shut up, and always spout off new ideas for a struggling writer that is me.
Also, I need a partner in crime: Someone to help me think of and carry out CRAZY 'N' WACKY ideas. A catch phrase is a must. Being a short, stocky, humourous fellow helps.
Slave: Don't get me wrong, slavery was a horrible institution that was inarguably the worst thing to happen to mankind. The Holocaust doesn't even compare. But I really need someone to clean up after me and organize my paperwork without pay. There won't be any whippings or anything, I promise. I may yell at you incoherently if you, say, "clean out" my portfolio (gray binder).
Smart, physics-type person that dabbles into philosophy: You know who I'm talking about. Kinda like that dude on Road Trip. Being a pothead is a personal negative here, although I'm pretty sure it's a requirement for this type of person to exist. Preferably tall and lanky.
Asshole: Yes, there are assholes who aren't douchebags. Look at the lead character on the hit television program, "House." This person will help keep me in line and keep my head from growing too large, but still concede when we're dealing with something important that I'm right on.
Wacky Foreign guy: Being from the middle east or eastern Europe helps. God forbid I not have a minority within my circle. The last interracial friend I've had was a Sudanese guy in my business class who wanted to start a bakery to send money back home. He wasn't exactly wacky enough, to tell you the truth. Must be naive, but with a heart of gold and a complete uncertainty about 21st Century America.
Whiny Liberal/Over the top Conservative duo: Self explanitory. I need these two important people to provide entertainment and skin-deep political discussion. Please apply at the same time, seeing as I won't be able to stand either of you for more than a day.