About Me
It all started out with a simpleton named Rhys Weatherburn wanting to forfill his one and only dream, to be the best Christian Rap / Ghettotech artist in the world. After drinking a significant amount of pineapple juice in the hope that his penis would grow to a larger extent, Rhys finally realised that his dream was quite unforfillable due to his natural talent to be talentless at everything he tries. Long story short, Rhys ended up in the slammer for the petty crime of pushing a live moose onto its back at an angry black man's farm. Meanwhile, while Rhys was in prison, another more experienced simpleton, by the name of Shane Jarvie-Kohn was cooking up a storm of a roast meal. After several hours of painful kitchen burns and back breaking labour, Shane passed out due to a lack of sexually enhancing pineapple juice. Hours later, he awoke in a dark cold place. It somehow happened to be the same prison cell that was containing the scrumptious outlaw, Rhys Weatherburn. Shane and Rhys decided to spoon with each other on the floor for warmth. As this was happening, a local, unsatisfied prison guard by the name of Dave Lillie with the uncanny ability to make anyone he wants turn against him, decided that he was fed up with his prison guard job. He was sick of being treated like a very fat person on a cool summers day. He then used his super Superman-Jesus powers to free Rhys and Shane. This then backfired as they ended up in a room of Jim-Jam's. After defeating the Jim-Jam's, Rhys suggested that they all went back to his house for tea. Not to Shane and Dave's knowledge, Rhys didn't have a house. And what he called a house was infact an imaginary oven-stove that he called Nancy. Shane and Dave then ate Rhys before he could humiliate himself anymore. Once Rhys came back in his afterlife, Shane and Dave invited Rhys to an informal Disco Dance party, involving a celebrity peanut. Rhys unwillingly ate the celebraty peanut and fell unconcious. After awakening from his unconcious state, he found that he was holding what happened to be a bass guitar. Shane had a guitar and a microphone and Dave had a bucket and a stick. They played their instruments freakishly well for the first hour, before stopping and deciding they would create a band. This band was called, the one and only, Absolutely Nobody. Credits to Shane for the band name. No credits to Rhys because he is a scrag whore. And more credits to Dave for being cool. And no credits to Rhys because he is poor and works on a rice farm. Rhys shops at woolworths. Rhys wears torn sweaters. Rhys is gay. Dave wrote this true biography. Dave is cool. Dave is the best. Rhys is a tool. Rhys has no friends..................................................... ............................................................ ............................................................ ............................................................ ............................................................ ............................................................ ............................................................ ...............................................Thanks Dave, but seriously, this is the true story... Shane and Dave first met at a jamming session with there friend Chook, Shane played guitar, Dave on drums and Chook on bass/vocals. After Dave and Shane got to know eachother a bit better at the end of year 9 (2005) they decided to jam together in Daves jamming room at the back of his house. Dave and Shane really enjoyed jammin together so they deicided to go again. Chook was unavaliable most of the time so they decided to jam with there other friend Temis because they were so itching to jam, Shane on guitar/vocals, dave on drums and Temis on bass. Temis didn't seem to want to be much of a bassist and more for guitar so teh next time we jammed we asked Rhys to come along. Rhys and Shane where good friends at the time and Rhys was learnign guitar but loved playing the bass, so Shane introduced him to Dave and we started to jam, Rhys had a lot of talent on the bass and we always have fun wen we jam together so we decided to make a band. After about 5 minutes on name deciding we came up with the name Absolutely Nobody. Thought it had a good ring to it. After a couple months of jamming and covering songs we had deiced to make some origionals, we started with the song Mystery Box and Shane worked his was to writing the song Anolagy. Rhys tends to be the member that cops alot of crap but we love him anyway. .. width="425" height="350" /obj
