A long time ago in a place very nearby, the birth of the rock group Stafford changed the world forever. Raised on a bear farm in central Illinois, the members of Stafford first formed their close-knit bond in a particularly trying attempt to mate with a pack of wild teenage girls. Possessing only the knowledge passed on to them by their furry brethren, the boys, determined to woo their co-ed counterparts, tapped into musical superpowers previously unknown to them. John's banshee wail and flailing luscious locks, Joe's electrifying dance moves and face-melting riffs, Chad's earth-shaking bass lines and kangaroo-like leaps, and Adam's thunderous drum beats and gut-busting jokes all combined to create a sonic onslaught the likes of which the girls had never experienced before. The irresistible melodies and heavy hooks that emanated from the group that day tamed the female beasts, who, after snapping out of their transcendent bliss, begged for more. From that moment on the boys decided to defend the world against musical mediocrity; thus Stafford was born. Now having established their headquarters in Bloomington, IL, Stafford continues to prove itself a powerful musical force of the Midwest guaranteed to make listeners jump, fist-pump, and hump.