people say i have a great life..
i say they have a great imagination....
Behind my smile, is everything that you'll never understand
im not stupid. i just lack common sense
im not a poser. i just like all kinds of clothes
im not mr popularity. i just have a lot of friends
i dont ignore you. i just dont give a shit
im not mean. your just weak
im not insecure. i just dont trust people
xx Don't pretend to know me, cause I don't even know myself sometimes xx
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Gently my mind escapes into the relaxing world of pleasure.
A pleasure that'll take my mind off the reality of my life..
My past life, life as i know it now.
And whatever comes..
It slowly disappears to somewhere in the back of my mind.
It will remain there until i wish to retrieve it.
Yes, i will stay here for awhile for i need the break.
A break from the pressures of life
and everything that lays in the palms of life's hand.
This mode is incredible, it's out of this world.
Too bad i must always leave it.
But that's life.
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
I feel like a part of me is missing...
When you are not around.
Its like something has a hold of me...
And I can't make a single sound.
I want to scream out my feelings...
I don't want to fight them anymore.
But something always holds me back...
Making me hurt even more.
Why am I so scared to let you know...
That my love has always been with you...
And though I've said otherwise before...
None of it has ever been true.
You were the first to take away my heart...
And you were the first to give it back to me.
My love will always be with you...
Until the day you finally see...
That if you look deep within my eyes...
That window will show you whats left of my soul.
And the only light that fills me up..
Is the fact that I have never let you go.
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Shattered Soul
Alone. staggering. near death.
lost in fear and inner rage.
But unusually calm and serene as if nothing had ever happened.
Denial? Acceptance? Ignorance?
Starving for truth found pain.
Striving for independence brought wisdom.
gaining wisdom. produced guilt.
Guilt. Pain. Depression.
Yet. oddly enough. nothing.
Numbness. disbelief. denial. sorrow for betrayal.
grief for loss of joy. laughter.
stripped willingly of emotion.
Holding on to only hope. love.
Wishing for time to reverse.
Broken laws. ethics. spirit. hoping for tears that keep their distance.
praying for loving arms of comfort.
a release from the guilty anger.
Disbellief. denial. fear. anger. depression. lonliness. betrayal.
Betrayal of self. morals. ethics.
laws. rules. authority. promises. words. actions.
Defeated in so many ways.
Defeated by self. thoughts.
Exhausted from trying not to think.
hating to remember. feel. accept.
Wishing for sleep and tender words. from a tender heart.
to repair a shattered soul.
