Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question - YES is the answer.Kinky is when you use duck feathers in making love. Perverted is when you use the whole duck. Seduction isn’t making someone do what they don’t want to do. Seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do but are to scared to do it on their own. Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. The nice thing about masturbation, is that you don't have to dress up for it. Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either? A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her. When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out.Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock. Contrary to what New York taxi drivers think, oral sex does not mean shouting sexual insults at the guy in front of you. I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. There is no remedy for sex but, more sex. Relative humidity? That's how much you sweat when making love to your cousin. I don't think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing. I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's. Sex is only dirty if it’s done right! Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Do you know why Mike Tyson cries when he makes love?----Mace! Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy. It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married. You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither. Women must be the only sex with ESP, because they always know if men are going to get laid. My kid had sex with your honor student. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick. Love your neighbor, just don't get caught.
John Holmes, and Myself