About Me
whateverlife.comMost people in Virginia seem to think they know me. But just because you see me at a club or bar, doesn't mean you do. Chances are, your assumptions are far from accurate. I've recently been told that I'm too nice... I myself, don't see a problem in that... I never thought you could be too nice, too caring, too generous. But I have realized that people will take advantage of you if you let them.You may read about me in my surveys, but the truth lies deeper than that. I don't censor anything I say, but I do believe there should be boundaries in just what you tell people. I've also realized that no matter how much you want to trust someone, open up to them, share your secrets... that they will betray you. Cynical? Maybe. But I'm also a realist. It just goes to show... you find out who your friends are. I believe everything happens for a reason and that God will never give me more than I can handle.I'm very guarded, blame it on the men that have been so privileged to be in my life. I'm not the kind of girl who says, "i love you" after two weeks. In fact, I've never said it to anyone. Love. Hmm. I'll come back to that one later. As much as I communicate, I cannot... repeat CANNOT talk about feelings with the opposite sex. The idea of being vulnerable and exposed scares the hell out of me. I naturally get too attached so I overcompensate by refusing to get close to anyone.I don't cry in front of anyone. I don't cuddle. I don't do PDA. I like to make a scene, but in a [mostly] respectable way. I have a problem with self-control but I'm learning to say "no" I don't drink alcohol often but when I do... oh lordy. I don't pace myself and usually end up crying. [yeah, i'm one of THOSE drunks]I've been completely unmotivated in the recent past. You know that feeling that you're not going forward and you're not going backwards, but you're just kind of stuck in neuteral? Well, that's exactly how I feel. But I'm working on it. Baby steps, right?Let me make this clear, I will not make excuses for who I am friends with. If you don't like one of them, just don't hang out with me when I'm with them. Otherwise, deal with it because it puts me in an awkward position, and I won't choose between friends.My family is very important to me. My brother has always been the prodical child and everyone's favorite. But I can't be envious of him because he's my favorite too. He acts like my over protective big brother when in fact, he's 3 years younger than me. But I'd rather have him care about me too much than not at all. My mom drives me insane, like most mothers, but her heart is always in the right place. My dad is a riot. He's been supportive of me, always. Packing up and moving, packing up and moving, and doing it all again.I was going to say my friends in another section, but let's face it. When you get to a certain point, your friends become your family.I'm not as tough as everyone thinks. As rare as it may be, I have my insecure days. My "does my butt look big" days... [yeah, i know. my butt is ALWAYS big] but overall I was raised to believe in myself because if you don't think you're awesome then no one else will. You have to first and foremost be happy with who you are before you can try and be happy with someone else.I've been in a "relationship" [if you can even call it that] for most of this year now. But if you're in a relationship, shouldn't you be happy? Feel loved? If so, then no, I'm not in a relationship. I thought this person was all I ever wanted, but really, being with him has only left me feeling empty and unfulfilled. Where's the passion? Is that too much to ask... well, it turns out what I really wanted has been in front of me all along.Loving this man has never been something I denied. However, it wasn't something I admitted to, either. My close friends already know who I'm referring to, as it's been two years in the making. He was there for me before all the bullshit. He used to be my best friend, then like all good things, it sort of came to an end. All you need to know is he has been, and always will be, a very important person in my life. He just... gets me. Like no one else ever has. And although I don't see him nearly as often as I'd like, when I see him, it's like no time has passed.So, that's all the stuff on the "love" topic that you'll get from me. Writing that has already made me break out in hives. [i kid, i kid] I just know that love, BIG love only comes around every so often... like Haley's comet... and in the blink of an eye it can be gone. I've also come to find out that good friends are few and far between and I'm so grateful and blessed for the ones I do have... and truth be told--- my friends will always be better than yours. Deal with it.I pretend to be tough but y'all who know me know it's not true. I'm not a big fan of confrontation. I have a problem with over-booking plans on the same day. I try to squeeze everyone in, but then hanging out with the first friend goes longer, then I don't get to the second one... and yeah, it's a vicious cycle. I come across as flaky because of this wonderful tactic I've developed. It's nothing personal, I just don't like to miss out on good times.Life is too short to live the same day twice. I don't believe in keeping date books, or appt books because plans can always change. Why make the change permanent in your memory? Just go with it. And if you don't, then you have no idea the potential life changing things you're passing up on. I also believe that the things you're afraid of are the most worthwhile. But... sometimes I contradict myself with that theory.I don't always return my cart at the grocery store, but nobody really does. I like to read a book in one day. Call me a nerd, I don't care. I read magazines backwards. I plug my ears when I'm scared, but keep my eyes open. I laugh at my own jokes. I cry... ALL.THE.TIME. I would rather cut off my pinkie finger than make eye contact with the opposite sex. It's just too personal. I'm quite possibly the worst driver in the world, but it's whatever. I write in a journal... daily. I miss my friends from summer of '06. I hate cold water... and you better not EVER get my hair wet if I just spent an hour straightening it. Otherwise, prepare for an ass whooping.Overall, my theory is that life is too short to be anything but happy :)Well, it seems to me that the best relationships the ones that last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is... suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.
