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I am here for Friends and Networking

About Me

The Bird and the Bee -- Ray Gun


Yeah, I was going to the old Uni. of North Alabama back in the early years of the decade, but I went broke, both bank-accountly and attention-spanly. So, now I exist in an eternal cycle of brilliant entrepreneurial ideas that are doomed to fail due to reasons beyond my meager control and my increasingly tenuous grasp on reality.
I live in rural Tennessee, which is an improbably non-diverse region of America. The reason for this cultural incest is indeterminate. I suspect it is a practical joke by a trickster super-being from the future who simulates our pathetic reality for his own sadistic pleasure.
I am surrounded by a disproportionate number of Caucasian Baptists and Catholics. I fear that Whitey's lack of rhythm may creep in at night and steal my funkiness.
You know those dreams where you're at school and you're naked? Yeah, I had those, but they were inverted, in that everyone else was starkers and I was all up in the weird zone for being clothed.
Back in the grand old days, I rented a house that was relatively spiffy yet definitely very old. The non-grounded electrical outlets made for fun fire hazard adventures. The toilet made a whistling noise like someone trying really hard to blow their nose but failing miserably. So, I went to my mother's bookcase and dug up one of those old Time-Life books called Why Pay Someone to Fuck Up Your Plumbing When You Can Do It Yourself, and I replaced the o-ring or gasket or some such rubbery toilet prophylactic, and then it only sort of sounded like Gerald Ford on a respirator. I henceforth declared myself King of Non-licensed Home Repair, and made a t-shirt that said so, even though it was only scribbled on a Hane's beefy tee with a ball-point pen.Why Pay Someone to Fuck Up Your Plumbing When You Can Do It Yourself would be an awesome name for a book on auto-eroticism.
Fun facts:
    I live in a backwater Tennessee town (population: 800) that would roll up the sidewalks at 6 PM if we had sidewalks.
    Music on profiles reminds me of GeoCities, circa 1998.
    There are likely dozens of meth labs within a ten-mile radius of my home. If you divide this circle's circumference by its diameter, you get meth pi.

That's it for now.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

    People who hate small talk Authors and poets who aren't full of themselves Transhumanists, technophiles, and singularitarians, oh my Entrepreneurs and risk-takers The economist John Maynard Keynes, so I can ironically stab him with a shard of broken window glass. People that understood that joke Old guys at the VFW who drink Wild Turkey and cry while telling war stories Anyone who's ever been an extra in a mattress store commercial Futurists, or people from the future

My Blog

Out of town until Wednesday, August 23

See ya then.
Posted by on Sun, 24 Aug 2008 12:51:00 GMT

Party at my house, this Saturday, January 19

I'll provide some booze, but I suggest you bring a backup supply.Address, if you want to MapQuest it:502 S Main StSaint Joseph, TN 38481
Posted by on Tue, 15 Jan 2008 02:39:00 GMT

What the hell is a Punk Accountant?

Help me out here, peoples. I own several domain names, one of which is PunkAccountant.com. There's nothing there yet, and I'm at a loss as to what I should do with it.A little backstory:Way back in 20...
Posted by on Mon, 07 Jan 2008 16:40:00 GMT

"The Onion" pretty much sums up my life

When a fake news publication accurately describes your life, it's time to be worried:Area 18-Year-Old Demands Right To Be Sexually Harassed In The WorkplaceGetting Mom onto Internet a Sisyphean Ordeal...
Posted by on Thu, 20 Dec 2007 23:30:00 GMT

I got those AntiMuse redesignin blues

I've been pondering the next incarnation of AntiMuse. While I have a vision in my mind of what I want, I'm not sure of how to turn that into reality. Let me think aloud here:(1) One of my peeves was t...
Posted by on Thu, 25 Oct 2007 16:48:00 GMT

Cynical book review: A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemmingway

Ernest Hemmingway writes himself into the novel as Frederic Henry, an American who decided it was a good idea to fight in World War I for no reason at all. He gets wounded. He meets a crazy nurse. The...
Posted by on Tue, 11 Sep 2007 09:27:00 GMT

Cynical book review: Catch-22 by Joseph Heller

Yossarian is a pilot who wants to go home. The military won't let him. Rather than do the sensible thing -- deserting -- he instead becomes entangled in an increasingly unfunny matrix of improbable si...
Posted by on Tue, 11 Sep 2007 09:07:00 GMT

Etiquette of using the word "porta-potty" in polite conversation

I spent an hour of my life today negotiating a good rate for portable toilets. I did this not as a distracting pleasantry, but as part of the planning for this Saturday's mega-super party in the backw...
Posted by on Tue, 21 Aug 2007 18:37:00 GMT

The great anti-hero of our time

If you've ever been a fan of The X-Files, you'l recall the Smoking Man, a member of the Consortium working with the alien colonists. However, in secret, the conspirators were seeking to develop a vaci...
Posted by on Fri, 29 Jun 2007 01:06:00 GMT

Why should someone's blood alcohol level in itself be a crime?

J.H. Heubert had a great column on victimless crimes and DUI arrests over at LewRockwell.com today.For you haters out there (Josh), it's about Paris Hilton. Get over your cliche Paris-hating attitudes...
Posted by on Tue, 26 Jun 2007 23:00:00 GMT