The Organstra

THIS COUNTDOWN TIMER THING IS WAY OFF, WE GAURANTEE YOU THAT THIS PRODUCTION WILL GO LONG OVER THE DEADLINE.
WHO THE FUCK WOULD BE STUPID ENOUGH TO PANIC AT A DISCO?
FIRST THINGS FIRST
We like to keep in touch with all our fans, being the wonderfully nice people that we are. So here are our motherfucking emails!
Sam Wightman - [email protected]
Chris Campion - [email protected]
THE MIGHTY ORGANSTRA!
Since their humble beginnings they have been the without a doubt largest and greatest band of all time.A band so great not even words can describe them, maybe with the exception of the word: MEGAAWESOMEORGANZANGERZONEORGANPSYCHEDELICORGANCOLLOSALCHUCK NORRISGREATESTBANDOFALLTIME, but even then it still will never even come close to properly describing how great The Organstra truly is.
With a whopping 77 million members the band have a unique sound which can only be created properly with a mininum of 50 million mebers, so avoid all imitators like Joel and the Nazi variety hour, for lets face it noone can possibly try and emulate the Organstra using only a kazoo, three bottles and Joel's 24/7 bad smell (Similiar to shit).
The Organstra was formed in 51 BC by stupidly/amazingly talented chums; Chris Campion and Sam Wightman, and almost immediately rivalled the Roman Empire for sheer power. This sentence you are currently reading does not need to be here but it is anyway. Over the past 2,057 years some 48 billion people have gone through The Organstra's ranks. The Organstra has featured many different celebrities throughout time, including:
Chuck Norris
Abraham Lincoln
Batman
Your Mum
Woon Kim
His Mum
The Incredible Hulk
Iggy Pop
All of Jefferson Airplane
James Brown
The Spice Girls
JFK
CIA
KFC
FBI
USA
IRA
AUS
Bill Clinton
Johnny Ramone
Johnny Thunders
Johnny Depp
Johnny Rotten
Johnny Knoxville
Johnny Marr
John Howard
John Lennon
John Entwistle
John Paul Jones
Pope John Paul (It's argued that the real reason he died, was because he was trying to impress Chris, and jumped off Chris's 9 story Mega Death Church Organ of Collosal Massacre)
The Organstra and The Beatles
In 1967, The Organstra chose to work with mediocre pop band "The Beatles"(For no other reason apart from just doing it to humour the clearly TALENTLESS band) on a concept album to be titled: "Vinnie fights the Mighty Deathbots of ultimate death all the while doing other badass shit, like eating, crapping, running, jogging, walking, walking slightly faster, walking pretty fast but not fast enough to constitute running OR EVEN jogging." Tension arose immediately when after their first meeting the boyishly handsome CHRIS CAMPION drew attention to Paul McCartney clearly girlish appearance, record states his exact words were:
"Woah, you look like a chick...Make me a sandwich"
But the tension truely rose when Sam Wightman (as a joke) travelled to the future and killed John Lennon (and alot of other people who were annoying him at the time), with a wet and very humourously sized Trout (John Lennon's lawyers made sure to make it "official" that he died from a gunshot because him being killed by a trout was too fucking hilarious, that the world would probably cease to exist and then Chris would take over, and have sex with all the supermodels except for the plus sized ones BECAUSE NOONE LIKES FAT CHICKS(If anyone is angry about that previous statement it was written by Joel Bruce). True story)(Sam also had sex with all the supermodels except for the plus size ones, but he did it first, 5 times). But hit boiling point when Chris mispelt the Beatles' name:
The Bqqqueakkkorganorganuitsrollingstonesarebettersadfuckthisimg oingtogoeatsomeicecreamntlesbkjtles.
This sparked a legal war between both bands, to decide who gets the rights to the music they made together. Sadly The Organstra, when the courts ruled that they could only submit a defense if they had signatures from all band members, A sheer impossible task(considering that the band at the time contained 69,097,048 members). The Beatles won by default and deleted the original name and artwork ( depicting a naked woman flying a 800 headed dragon pillaging a small cambodian village while masturbating with across with all the band members names carved on to it) to the boring and slightly homosexual white surface that adorns it to this very day.
Paul McCartney and Female - BUT WHICH IS WHICH???????
The Organstra and The Rolling Stones
After all the crap The Beatles did to the Organstra(Not really, The Organstra didnt give a shit, they just pretended to care that way Paul McCartney could feel like a man for once in his life), The Organstra was in disarray(Again not really, all that happened was Joel shat himself which isn't a big deal because he does it ALL the time, and he isn't even IN the Organstra). But anyway The Organstra being as awesome and great as they were, decided to work with ANOTHER shitty pop band: The Rolling Stones.
At first The Rolling Stones refused to work with the Organstra because the Stones' manager Allen Klein had a beef with Chris (BUT WHO'S DEAD NOW BITCH????), But the Stones had to cooperate with The Organstra's decision after Sam killed Brian Jones JUST BY LOOKING AT HIM. The Organstra sick of having to constantly record stuff in studio, wanted to return to its roots: Playing Live(Remember that the Organstra spent 80 million years before the dawn of man playing live, and only truely received the respect they deserved when the shitty looking slugs they were playing to evolved into people). The Stones and Organstra's first show together didn't go down well. They ORGANised a free concert in Altamont, and killed a young black man with their sheer ORGAN power (we're not rascist, Nazi Punks, Nazi Punks, Nazi Punks, Fuuuuck Off!!!!). And their second show was also unsuccessful only because The Organstra stumbled upon 21 tonnes of Chris's lethal Homestyle Death Cocaine, an amount so big and so lethal, could kill 248 elephants, which Organstra preceded to do, just for kicks. Only they coudn't find any elephants so they travelled back in time and killed all the Unicorns. And that's the story of how The Organstra killed all the Unicorns. The end.
The Organstra and Johnny Thunders
Johnny Thunders was orginally the front man of popular teen girl band - The Monkees, until he met The Organstra, who as a joke stuck 200 heroin filled syringes in his arms while he slept. This forced him into a spiral of awesomeness ending with him making a new band named - JOHNNY THUNDERS AND THE HEARTBREAKERS. By now he was addicted to heroin so much, he could shoot webs out of wrists like that guy in that movie about the MAN who has the abilities of a SPIDER. I think it was called CRAZY WEB SHOOTING MAN OF DOOOOOOM. 2 years and no hit singles later The Heartbreakers broke up, citing not being enough like The Organstra as its main reason. In 1991, After an attempt by The Organstra to attempt to stick 200 needles into his arms while he slept failed, cutting off his arm with an axe. He lost all his blood and died. This didn't slow down the beast of a man that was Johnny Thunders. He replaced all his blood with heroin, killed Kurt Cobain and tours to this day with The Organstra.
A picture of dead Johnny Thunders, engulfed in the awesomest jacket of all time
The Organstra and The Ramones
The story of The Organstra and The Ramones starts in 1933 when Joel bruce set up a Gay Nightclub on 53rd & 3rd street in New York he called it: Cocks, Butts and Gay Boys also known as C-B-G-Bs. Unfortunetly for Joel (and hilarious for everyone else) his Nightclub was shut down almost immediately for various complicated reasons. Here is a copy of the notice he recieved notifying him of his Club's immediate shut down:
Joel was so enraged by the shut down of his nightclub (he even affectionately called it the "Fruit of his love", then Chris made a joke about him Loving Fruits((You see Fruits is also a term for a homosexual)), and Joel agreed, then winked at him, then touched his leg. True Story) that he travelled to Germany, grew a moustache(One of the few manly things Joel can do) died his hair and started his own Gay-friendly government party he called The Nazis. The Nazi Party started out well but then Joel went nuts with power and used it as a way to kill off his arch nemesis: the Jewish race and the rest of the world in general. Anyway back to the Organstra and The Ramones. CBGBs became a live music club and hosted awesome bands like The Ramones, Television, Talking Heads and Richard Hell and The Voidoids. One night The Organstra saw The Ramones play, and they said to them:
"Hey, You guys are pretty good."
Then Johnny went: "Hey thanks that means alot to us, but seriously how gay is Joel?"
Then Chris and Sam agreed because they're awesome.
The end.
The Organstra Battles Dinosaurs From The Future
One day Sam and Chris got lost in the future while hunting Velocer Raptors, Terrordactils, Brontosauruses and various other Dinosaurs from the past (yeah, Chris & Sam are THAT awesome), all the Dinosaurs got killed,there was no big bang. Anyway while Sam & Chris were in the future/past they managed to record another album, this time collaborating with a friendly dinosaur and his band, more commenly known as T-Rex. They ended up releasing this album 200 milleniums before it was recorded, and it was an absolute masterpeice, the title was "Prehistoric Organ Sounds". Many years previously The Saints, a rock 'n' roll band from Brisbane, Australia ripped-off the album...completly re-writing the songs and not including any organ (worst mistake ever) and then releasing the album with the very bland and flamingly homosexual title "Prehistoric Sounds", there version of the album was a commercial flop, causing the band to implode outwards and kill themselves and many others all at the same time not dying. Die hards fans do not care for The Saints cover album version. To get back from the future Chris and Sam merely jumped.
The Legendary "X Chord"
Usually when the entire band needs to bust out some gnarly time travel, every member plays Sam & Chris's legendary "X Chord" at the same time, invented at the first jam the band ever had (it lasted 4 years)...No one who is not in the band can possibly play this chord, it has been attempted by many...all have died...some of these people where - Jimi Hendrix (before he joined the band,he came back from the dead just because Sam gave him permission, then he joined the band and was properly taught how to play an X Chord by Chris, precision accuracy takes 5 years to master and even then its still doesnt sound quite right), Jim Morrison tried to somehow hit an X Chord whilst singing, this being impossible and therefore causing his death (Contrary to popular belief he did NOT get gunned down buy an F1 Fighter Jet....anyway he came back to life and learnt to play an X Chord on a sitar), Joel Bruce attempted to play an X Chord on his toy plastic guitar, which he believes is real, the guitar exploded ...missing Joel completly but hitting a small Cobra, causing it to jump and bite Joel's head off, no one ever could be bothered bringing him back to life. Travis described the explosion as being "somewhat similiar to a Nuclear Bomb". The X Chord was invented for the soul purpose of catering for the bands over-the-top schedule. The Organstra's average songs tends to be an hour in length, with an average live set consisting of 24 songs, and The Organstra usually plays at leeeeast 300 different gigs per day, taking at least four hours extra to assemble all the band members in the one place, thus the X Chord was invented so that Sam, Chris and Colonel Sanders could all travel into 18 other dimensions at the same time to calm down & get everything under control. Once they had it under control they would return to there REAL dimension, where they would play a totally rockin' live show, when they were playing, there exact doubles would go into the other dimensions and do the same thing....so everything was under control and there is no need for any of you reading this to panic, so dont. The song "Dimension" by hip-hop band "Wolfmother" is actually about the legend of the X Chord, and is not about flying canary-yellow coloured aeroplanes around the barn in your mum's backyard on the moon as Wolfmother's die-hard fans believe it really is.
What happens to ALL non Organstra members who attempt to play the X CHORD
The Organstra and Woodstock
Contrary to popular belief Sam & Chris WERE the masterminds behind the famous Woodstock Festival of 1969, but Joel Bruce and his clan of homosexual friends (including CJ) were the masterminds behind Woodstock '94 and '99. This is the reason that Woodstock '69 had fuckin' awesome bands play such as The Who, Jefferson Airplane, Ten Years After & The Jimi Hendrix Experience, wereas on the other hand horrible/talentless/gay/emo/shit bands like Green Day played at the events ...ized (Yes, your eyes are not deceiving you, this word is supposed to spell 'ORGANized' except no ORGAN in the history of everything would ever want to be involved with Joel Bruce in any way) by Joel Bruce & Co. The Clash actually came from the future to play at Woodstock '69, because Sam asked them to. No one is aware of this for the reason that CJ (Somehow responsible for recording and filming the whole concert) failed to capture any footage or sound recording of the band playing that night. Joe Strummer later tried to kill CJ but did not succeed, because Joe Strummer was already dead when he attempted this. The Stooges also played Woodstock '69 but no one knows this because there performance was to awesome/violent to ever be witnessed again. Ron Asheton hired Travis to play ORGAN for them that night. The Stooges took so many drugs that night that they still thought they were playing the same gig 3 months later, turns out they were playing to a pack of wild dogs sitting in the backyard of there house. These dogs could all shred the ORGAN. Of course in the end Woodstock 1969 was a HUUUUGE success, and yes, as you probably predicted, Woodstock 1994 & 1999 were very large wastes of time.
The Organstra and the Zombies of Death
One time CJ farted really loudly (It smelled like shit too) and accidently rose the dead. He was promptly eaten/killed and according to one of the zombies he tasted like shit too. Once the Ghostbusters were eaten there was no one left to call to destroy the zombie plague...except for perhaps THE MIGHTY ORGANSTRA. The Organstra stepped their plan into action - they barricaded themselves in a closeby mall (Dawn Of The Dead is ripped-off from The Organstra) to protect themselves from the zombies (They werent afraid of the zombies, they just pretended to be so the zombies could feel good about themselves, in fact they werent afraid so much that Sam Wightman was even heard saying "I'd find it hard to be scared of zombies man...They're fucking losers."). Whilst in the mall Chris, Sam, Vinnie, Travis, Carl, Rupert, Ollie & various other members of the band did stupid/fun things like breaking into sports stores, wearing american football helmets, stealing bikes, and jousting up and down escalators with golf clubs that were on fire. They all had green hair. After that they were joined by Keith Richards and Iggy Pop, who managed to walk through the zombie hordes unscathed because the zombies mistook them both for one of their own. The Organstra was as safe as it had ever been, Sam & Chris discovered that the zombies could easily be killed if you ran them over with a tank. So Sam & Chris stole a tank. Before they killed the zombies they realised that emos look identical to zombies, so THEY KILLED EVERY EMO, EVER. FIVE TIMES. Then after they'd had there fun, they destroyed the zombies, i took a total of six seconds. Zombies never, ever have returned since, nowadays they're equally as scared as the FUCKING FAGGOT EMOS that threatened Sam & Chris were when they realised that their completly shit plan backfired and they woulda got the shit kicked outta them buy over 30 people.
Organ To Hell (Song)
The most controversal song The Organstra ever created (With the exception of the 1939 album: All hail our Nazi overlords, They will command us to a better tommorow (This album was written by Joel, recorded as a joke & was fake anyway)).The whole track is an instrumental but has one line at the end of the song: THE ORGANSTRA IS FAR BETTER THAN LED ZEPPELIN. When the song came out in 12 AD there was great confusion and controversy over the above lyric, confusion because a Lead Zeppelin would make no sense due to the fact that a zeppelin made of lead wouldn't be able to float, and controversy in 1937 when some motherfucker made a zeppelin out of lead that he called the Hindinburg, which blew up.
When Led Zeppelin covered it (poorly) they changed the words to: SHE'S BUYING THE STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN, Which makes no fucking sense.
Fun Fact: The album this track comes from: The Satanic Organ Verses coined the word Satan which was used by the catholic church as the name for their badass dude. In reality it was a word Chris used whenever he got a kickass Chicken and Cheese sandwich.
Discography
Here is a list of all the bands released recordings...
'Joel and The Nazi Variety Hour' EP
'Prehistoric Organ Sounds'
'All Hail Our Nazi Overlords, They Will Command Us to A Better Tomorrow'
'The Satanic Organ Verses'
'Organ to the Future'
'Organ to Russia'
'Piper At the Gates of Organ'
'1-2-3-5' EP
'Never Mind the Sex Pistols or the Bollocks, Here's The Organstra'
'Organ Organ Organ'
'How the Pacific Northwest Was Won'
'Kick Out the Jams to Make Room for The Organstra'
'Dark Side of the Organ'
'An Organfull of Secrets'
'Blonde on Brunette'
'Organstra Rule OK? You Understand? You Had Better Fucking Understand'
'Dirty Deeds Done for Incredibly Expensive Prices'
'Fresh Organ for Rotting Fruit and Vegetables' EP
'Highway 62 Revisited'
'Give Me Organ or Give Me Death'
'Sargent Organ's Lonely Peppers Club Band of Hearts From Hell'
'L.A.M.F.O.' (Like A Mother Fucking Organ)
'Let There Be Organ'
'London Crawling'
'Lust for Living, If Organs Don't Die'
'Marquee Sun'
'Raw Power of Organ'
'Sticky Fingers...Make it Harder to Play the Organ'
'Start Making Sense'
'The Bright Side of the Moon' EP
'The Great Organ 'n' Rock 'n' Roll Swindle' EP
'The Velvet Organground'
'Veni Vidi Vicious Vorgan'
'The Organ is Waiting for the Motherfuckin' Sun'
'Young, Really Loud and Organ'
'White Light/White Organ/White Heat'
'The Organstra Destroy CBGBs 1976' LIVE
'God Save The Organstra'
'The Organstra's Pet Sounds'
'This is NOT a Self-Titled Album Because What You Are Reading is the Title'
'Are You Experienced in the Sound of Organ?'
'Fuck The Plastic Ono Band'
'The Fall and Rise of The Spiders from Organville and Ziggy Stardust'
'Psychological Graffiti'
'The Organstra Sell Out'
'Electric Organland'
'Highway to Organville'
'The Who Doesn't Sing My Generation'
'The Organstra Are the Village Green Preservation Society
'A Hard Night's Day With The Organstra!'
'The Solid Parade' EP
'Organ to Hell - The Soundtrack' COMING SOON
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey