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Just FYI, I'll be in Africa from August 22nd until September 10. If I don't get back to you during this time, that is why. If you want/need something from me, ask now; I'll be getting shots and taking care of other shit in the meantime.
I'm a very uncool person. I take beers from your fridge without asking. I have absolutely no redeeming qualities. When the check comes, I walk outside and wait so it will look like you're trying to dine and dash if you come outside to convince me to pay. If I do get stuck paying, I tip 2.0%. I do things in an incredibly efficient manner strictly so I'll have more time to waste later. I put my feet up on the coffee table, especially when I've been running through mud. I read your magazines and discard them before you get to them. I may look like I'm washing my hands after I use the bathroom but really I just pound the soap dispenser, failing to catch any of the soap dispensed, which then ends up in a messy pile on the bathroom counter while I walk away with germ infested, yet freshly rinsed, hands. I wear gorilla suits to weddings and tuxedoes to shitty dive bars. I dress up in chicken suits and scare sophomore girls in the streets. I always scratch my balls before shaking hands. I speak in a constant tautological manner. In general I'm a rather unsavory character.
