Crystal Douche' profile picture

Crystal Douche'

It has to be official, and it has to be urine

About Me

People call me Crystal the Pistol but that’s only because my name doesn’t rhyme with Mega Death Rocket Launcher. I’m a typical girl, in Nam I mistook a schoolhouse for a chemical weapons plant. One time airforce one went down inside the walls surrounding New York City which had been turned into a giant prison to hold all the country’s worst criminals...so I went in there and started some shit, got the president out okay just so I could “persuade” him on some political points with some jumper cables. I have a tattoo on my upper thigh of a giant panda bear destroying a village...pandamonium, kick ass take names, start shit, come out with only the scars to tell the story. Now I work customer service.
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My Interests

live music, movies, rainy days, thunder storms, the beach, sushi, laughing my ass off, drunk bowling, meeting new people, san diego, roller coasters, spandex, sleeping in, lillies, the ocean, bingo, board games, reading, dancing, my neice and nephew, taking pictures....

I'd like to meet:


Music:

Gogol Bordello, Alkaline Trio, The Beatsteaks, Bouncing Souls, Code 415, Dillinger Four, Dropkick Murphys, Jawbreaker, Street Dogs, Murder City Devils, Turbonegro, Queens of the Stone Age, The Sounds, Descendents, HorrorPops, Misfits, Le Tigre, The Adolescents, Tenacious D, Gunther, Youth Brigade, Robots in Disguise, Modest Mouse, Gwen Stefani, No Doubt, Shiny Toy Guns, Sia, The Distillers, Run DMC, Biz Markie, Social Distortion, Madonna, The Killers, The Clash, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Bad Religon, Pennywise, Billy Idol, Pink, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Muse, NOFX, Louie Armstrong, Johnny Cash, Billie Holiday, Young Love,.......It all really depends on the mood that Im in. I like all kinds of music

Movies:

Superbad, Knocked Up, Juno, No Country for Old Men, Blades of Glory, Stranger then Fiction, The Notebook, Donnie Darko, 300, The Departed, Wedding Crashers, Fight Club, Edward Scissorhands, Goonies, Boondock Saints, Full Metal Jacket, 40 Year old Virgin, Anchorman, Nacho Libre, Napolian Dynomite, The Craft, GhostBusters, Jay and Silent Bob, Hard Candy (this movie is crazy!), Lost Boys, Your mom, Joe Dirt, Prey for Rock and Roll, Borat the movie (LOVED IT!!), Friday Night Lights, Walk the Line, Never Been Kissed, Breakfast Club, Crash, Strangeland, Happiness, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Mommy Dearest, Forrest Gump, Billy Madison, Miss Congeniality, Garden State, Old School, Big Lebowski, Gremlins, Super Troopers, Beerfest, Clerks 2, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, American History X, Reservoir Dogs, Dogma, Freeway.....

Television:

The Office, Arrested Development, Rescue Me, Reno 911, Flight of the Conchords, SNL, South Park, The Discovery Channel, The Food Network, A&E, The History Channel, The Military Channel (crazy huh?)Sarah Silverman Show, Jay Leno, Conon O'Brian

Books:

Ill let you know when Im done reading the books that I just bought :)

Heroes:

Anyone who isnt a follower and can think for themselves, can take a joke and not be offended, and someone who laughs at themselves just as much as I laugh at myself!!! WORD!

My Blog

Always a bridesmaid NEVER a bride

they have to be torturing me because i personally think its a joke!  this is the 3rd freaking time that i have been nominated for employee of the month!!  ive never actually made it as the e...
Posted by Crystal Douche' on Wed, 02 Apr 2008 07:51:00 PST

A Fairly Sad Tale

This is a poem from Dorothy Parker.    I think that I shall never knowWhy I am thus, and I am so.Around me, other girls inspireIn men the rush and roar of fire,The sweet transparency o...
Posted by Crystal Douche' on Mon, 21 Jan 2008 04:14:00 PST

me!

Ok, so...I know there is already an "About Me" on here but I wanted to put myself out there a little bit and let some of myself out! I like simple things but I also like a little challenge. I have a s...
Posted by Crystal Douche' on Thu, 17 Jan 2008 06:11:00 PST

Drunk Dialing

Drunk Dialing1. Only drunk dial when you are drunk. Everything else is false advertisement.2. It is okay to call someone 27 times in one night. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.3. If you are...
Posted by Crystal Douche' on Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:49:00 PST

the doctors office

Is it weird to still be scared of the doctors office?  I mean come on now!  Im gonna be 24 this year and still get freaked out about it.  I even get scared when I go to visit someone at...
Posted by Crystal Douche' on Mon, 02 Jul 2007 01:27:00 PST

Booty Call Contract

Crystal's Booty Call contractThis Booty Call contract (herein after referred to as the "Agreement") is entered into on the _____ day of__________, 2007, by_______________________ , between ______...
Posted by Crystal Douche' on Wed, 09 May 2007 09:47:00 PST

86 rules of boozing

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour. 2. Always toast before doing a shot. 3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast. 4. Chan...
Posted by Crystal Douche' on Sun, 14 Jan 2007 08:24:00 PST

pet peeve

Major pet peeve of mine is tardiness.  I freakin hate it with a passion.  I have a coworker who is late almost ALL the time.  I hate it.  He called me up today and said he was gonn...
Posted by Crystal Douche' on Thu, 21 Dec 2006 03:05:00 PST