Is he in heaven or is he in hell? That damn Scarlet Pimpernel…
Pretty cheesy, huh? Yet the Scarlet Pimpernel is a classic. I don’t understand why, though. Perhaps that’s what you should take note of before messaging me or deciding to add me as your friend. If I can’t identify or quantify a literary classic then what good am I? Ask yourself that question. I figure the following paragraphs will give you some more insight into who I am. They are excerpts from my Memoirs, ‘Diaries of a Cabana Geisha Boy;’ available from Random House Publishing in summer of 2007. Here it goes:
It was said that Alex was born in the Northlands of the United States. Some say Oregon, others say Florida. No one can be quite sure of which state, but other scholars have speculated that Alex, indeed, was raised in Florida, which as we all know, borders Canada and is very rainy. It was there, they believe, that Alex developed his skills of an artist and drew many many dagrons. In his youth Alex was one who excelled at hand to hand combat, mud wrestling, gold fish training and haiku.
As he grew older Alex decided he was tired of the cold Florida weather and wanted to make a change. And so he did, though, he had to endure the Phlebotomic Provender Trials. He managed to get through the trials, but he was forever changed. He finally made his way to California’s Southern lands. Or South California, as it was. Alex’s first job was as a professional wrestler for L.A.’s XPW promotion and wrestled as the masked wrestler ‘Capitan de Amor’ which, as scholars theorize, can be loosely translated as “a Whale’s Vagina.†Unfortunately, Alex’s career in wrestling didn’t last long and worked as a jobber and was beaten profusely by the Promotions’ top stars. After 6 months Alex would leave his work in XPW behind and move into the field of Experimental Sciences and Medical Research for Valient Corporation in Irvine.
At Valient, Alex contracted many diseases and actually had his face fall off from his body. It was this planned incident that gave rise to the very first face transplant in Medical History. Alex received a face transplant from a volutary donor, Akash Chandrashenkar. However, even after the successful operation, Alex went elsewhere, still. He would go on to become a Bounty Hunger, Emo Child Whisperer and a Wiccan Mentor for Change in Echo Park.
Currently, Alex works closely with Hugo Chavez as his North American PR consultant out of the Venezuelan Consulate. He spends time donating to such Charitable Orginizations as: AMG’s ‘Bitch Betta Have My Money’ Foundation, Daughters for a Sexier Tomorrow, M.A.D.D. ‘Men Against Double Ds’, and Touch Me, Choke Me, Spank Me, Pull My Hair Fund of Syracuse and the Adopt a L.A.R.P Foundation. Alex also hosts a weekly radio show on NPR at 3:12am on Sunday Morning called. I am not Naked Underneath my Clothes.
