D Hizzle - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

My Blog

Crazy Pakistani's

Thanks Andrew, lifted this from you're page. Awesome! Deadly kite strings! I know I should not find this fucking hilarious, but I do... sorry... I was already going to...
Posted by D Hizzle on Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:06:00 PST

Addendum to "6 facts"

In addendum to my "6 facts" post, question number 1, I have since tried and liked soup.
Posted by D Hizzle on Sun, 14 Jan 2007 08:38:00 PST

Hilarious

Stole this from my friend and old roomie Drew. Thanks Andrew! Pretty damn funny. Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radi...
Posted by D Hizzle on Sun, 14 Jan 2007 08:37:00 PST

Tag I'm it!

6 facts Thanks to Marlo, I was "tagged". I am supposed to write 6 orginal facts about myself and then "tag" 6 others. Here it goes.. 1. I have never had soup. At least that I can rec...
Posted by D Hizzle on Thu, 31 Aug 2006 09:50:00 PST

Random Thoughts (from a long time ago-repost)

My random thoughts for the day Do you ever wonder if when someone is tickling you, you laugh because it tickles, or because you are thinking of how badly you will kick that persons ass when the...
Posted by D Hizzle on Tue, 22 Aug 2006 09:47:00 PST

Another stupid survey

How well do you know me?? For instance, did you know... Four jobs I have had in my life:1. Champs Sports (high school)2. Bouncer at Madisons Bar in Scottsdale, AZ. (college)3. Driver/errand runner for...
Posted by D Hizzle on Tue, 22 Aug 2006 09:37:00 PST

Stupid Survey I Filled Out (Bored)

Ok these are stupid, but I got it e-mailed to me and I was bored. I also decided to post it here instead of as a bulletin because I don't get the whole bulletin thing. ...
Posted by D Hizzle on Thu, 10 Aug 2006 09:34:00 PST

Addendum to the State by State Analysis

Due to an oversight on my part, West Virginia and Pennsylvania have been reinstated (get it?). Apparently people take their states very seriously.
Posted by D Hizzle on Thu, 20 Jul 2006 09:01:00 PST

State by State Analysis and Determination of if I Would Want Them In My New Country

Dans State by State Analysis and Determination of if I Would Want Them In My New Country. This is just my opinion about every state in the U.S. and why I feel that way. This was sp...
Posted by D Hizzle on Wed, 19 Jul 2006 09:24:00 PST

The State of My Union (Old One Reposted)

The State of My Union Address Upon watching the State of the Union address last night, I was struck with an incredible idea. This id...
Posted by D Hizzle on Wed, 19 Jul 2006 09:21:00 PST