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bluediamond28

I am here for Friends and Networking

About Me

IM A TAURUS (THE BULL) AS PEOPLE HAD SAID IM STUBBORN ABOUT MY OPINIONS AND STICK WITH THEM AND YES I AM STUBBORN, BUT SO DOES EVERYBODY ELSE WHEN THEY HAVE AN OPINION AND THEY STICK TO IT. SO IT TELLS YOU THAT TAURUSES ARE NOT THE ONLY BULLHEADEDS. IM A TRUTHFUL AND HONEST PERSON JUST LIKE I WOULD ANYBODY ELSE TO BE WITH ME. I DONT LIKE TO LIE AND I DONT LIKE PEOPLE TO LIE JUST COME OUT WITH THE TRUTH, AND THATS IT.

Pyzam.com has the coolest Layouts for Myspace

My Interests

TALKING TO PEOPLE AND MAKING FRIENDSxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxx1)** Replacing VannaQ: Why is it so hard to replace Vanna White? A: They can't find another blonde who knows the whole alphabet. -----------------------------------------------------------2 )**Engineering In Hell An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?" -----------------------------------------------------------3 )**Truck Driver & The BikersThe bikers came in, and one grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger out of his hand and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word. He simply got up, paid the cashier, and left.When he was gone, other motorcyclists snickered to one another and congratulated each other on being so "bad". As the cashier walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?""He's not much of a driver, either," the cashier replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles." ----------------------------------------------------------4) **Stumpy and His Wife Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

I'd like to meet:

I WOULD LIKE TO MEET ANYBODY THAT WANTS TO BE MY SPACE FRIEND, THAT MEANS ANYBODY
1)**YO MAMA IS SO CROSSED EYE, THAT HER HUSBAND LEFT HER BECAUSE HE THOUGHT SHE WAS SEEING SOMEONE ELSE ON THE SIDE.------------------------------------------------------- - 2)**Blondevision A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV.""Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied."Darn, he recognized me," she thought.She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?""Because that's a microwave," he replied ----------------------------------------------------------3) **The hunterIt was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, “What are you up to?” Alice smiles, “I'm going hunting with you!” Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along. They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: “If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot.” Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer. But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, “Get away from my deer!” Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, “Get away from my deer!” Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, “Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!” ----------------------------------------------------------4) **Lost & Found One day, on a notice board, a message was written:''A parker pn lost if found plz return to me'' The next day, another notice was put up:''If anybody finds an E plz add it to the spelling of PEN''

Music:

1)**4 good kidsThese 4 good kids decided to be bad for one day, so they go to a cop and the cop ask the 1st kid, "Did you do anything bad today?" the 1st kid says "yes,I stole a purse today" then the cop says to the 1st kid "go get holy water and drink it" then the cop asks the 2nd kid, "Did you do anything bad today?" the 2nd kid says, "yes,I shot someone today" then the cop says to the 2nd kid "go get holy water and drink it" then the cop ask the 3rd kid "Did you do anything bad today?" the 3rd kid says "yes,I pushed someone off a building" so the cop says to the the 3rd kid "go get holy water and drink it" then 4th kid said "what do I do?" so the cop says "please don't tell me you did something bad today?" "if you did tell me" so the 4th kid says "yes I pee in the holy water" ----------------------------------------------------------2) **Close EncounterA woman was filling her car at the gas station when she noticed a spaceship landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of the spaceship and started to fill the craft with gas. The woman noticed the letters "U.F.O" printed on the side of the ship. She turned to the alien and asked, "Does U.F.O. stand for Unidentified Flying Object?" the alien answered, "No, it stands for Unleaded Fuel Only!" -----------------------------------------------------------3 )**Viagra Worked -- Now Let's Try TheseWith Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society...DIRECTRA -- a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.PROJECTRA -- Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.CHILDAGRA -- Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks -- especially cleaning up spills and "little" accidents.COMPLIMENTRA -- In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.BUYAGRA -- Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be ascertained: Whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit.NEGA-VIAGRA -- Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.NEGA-SPORTAGRA -- This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.FLATULAGRA -- This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.FLYAGRA -- This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.PRYAGRA -- About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors."LIAGRA -- This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.

Movies:

Brunette Coffee Drinker1)**A brunetted says to a red head , ''Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.'' The brunette says, ''Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.'' ----------------------------------------------------------2) **Three Girls Meet the FairyA blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away. The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out "Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn. The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish. She panics. "Crap" -----------------------------------------------------------3 )**Christmas Cookie Dough''Grandma, I went to the bathroom to pee and bb's came out.''"Suzy," Grandma said. "I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." Then Jill came down and said ''Grandma, I went poo and there were bb's in it.''"Jill, I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." About five minutes later little Billy came.''Grandma something terrible has happened, I was jerking off in the garage and I shot the cat

Television:

1)**Bar... MonkeyA guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, and somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey did?"The guy says, "No, what?""He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!""Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for everything."The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks."No, what?" replied the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, pulled it out and ate it!" said the bartender."Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. He still eats everything in sight but, ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first." ----------------------------------------------------------2) **The Secret of SpeedPlane: How do you fly so fast?Rocket: You'll know when your ass is on fire! ----------------------------------------------------------3) **The ConfessionalA married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "I almost had an affair with a woman." The priest asks, "What do you mean, almost?""Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."The priest replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box." ---------------------------------------------------------- 4)**Clinton's sonsboyfriend Nick happens to be the product of one of my love making sessions. He is my son and thusly, he is your half-brother."Chelsea ran out of the office screaming, "Not another brother!"She rushed to her mother's side, telling her about her all about dad's shameful behavior and how every man she dated turns out to be one of her father's illegitimate sons.Hillary began to laugh and said, "Don't pay any attention to him. He isn't really your father anyway."

Books:

1)**Bar... MonkeyA guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, and somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey did?"The guy says, "No, what?""He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!""Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for everything."The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks."No, what?" replied the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, pulled it out and ate it!" said the bartender."Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. He still eats everything in sight but, ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first." ----------------------------------------------------------2) **A Sweet Ass StoryIt was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar.I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?”Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like pure Almond Joy!I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots.It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream “Oh Henry, Oh Henry!”Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way.She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, “Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff.” I said, “Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?”(What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!)She screamed, “Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three Musketeers!” as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup.Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden... my Starburst!Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach.Sure enough, nine months later, out popped? Baby Ruth! -----------------------------------------------------------3 )**Mom's SpongeLittle Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to find his mother taking a bath. He points at her bush and asks, "What's that Mommy?" A little embarrassed, she tells him that is is her sponge. Tommy is satisfied with that answer and goes back to playing with his toys. Some time later, Tommy catches his mother in the shower shortly after she has shaved her bush for bikini season. Tommy asks her, "Where is your sponge mommy?"Again embarrassed she tells him that she lost it but will probably find it soon. Tommy is a little worried and promises his mommy that he will help her find it. His mother says okay, and goes back to showering. Soon, Tommy comes running back in and says that he has found his mother's sponge. "What do you mean you found my sponge? Where?""The lady next door has it and she's washing Daddy's face with it!"

Heroes:

1)**Zip, Dick and PeeThere were once three boys in a classroom called Zip, Dick and Pee. Their teacher went out of the classroom so they decided to get up to some mischeif. Zip got on top of the cupboard, Dick got inside and Pee jumped around outside. The teacher came back in and said, ''Zip down, Dick out and Pee in the corner!'' ---------------------------------------------------------- 2)**Three nuns die and go to heavenThree nuns die and go to heaven where they are met by St Peter at the pearly gates. St Pete says "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want". The first nun says "I want to be Bo Derek," and POOF she's gone.The second says "I want to be Madonna," and POOF she's gone.The third says "I want to be Virginia Pepalini.".St Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says."Virginia Pepalini" replies the nun.St Peter shakes his head and says "I'm sorry, that name just doesn't ring a bell.The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing.He hands it back to her and says "No Sister, this says the Virginia Pipeline was laid by 500 men in 7 days!". ---------------------------------------------------------- 3)**Sex On The BeachA guy is walking along the beach, when he meets a girl with no legs, crying. "Why are you crying?" he asks."I've never been hugged," she says. The guy hugs her, but she continues crying."Why are you crying?" he asks."I've never been kissed," she says. The guy kisses her, but she continues crying."Why are you crying?" he asks."I've never been screwed," she says. The guy picks her up and throws her into the water."There," he says. "Now you're screwed."