FACTS ABOUT ME
I don't really eat meat, but I wish I did, so that I could rub it in the face of vegetarians.
Sometimes when I'm driving, I like to make 'vroom vroom' noises.
I don't trust birds. What, they are up to something.
I was born without the gene that makes you feel awkward at awkward times.
I think the best way to break an 'awkward' silence is to say 'So this one time I killed a guy'.
My parents have called me 'Scary' since I was two, but I think the best nickname I ever had was 'Crazyeyes'
The best way to win an argument with someone older than you is to point out that they're probably going to die first.
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If you don't get the pun, I am not your friend.
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I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
