I come from the cold and barren tundra located on the northern coast of the United States. It's a harsh land, where a man learns at an early age to fill his veins with cheap grain alcohol to keep his blood from freezing and women have the soothing, gentle touch of a lumberjack. Where eagles dare not fly and the bear fears to tread.
Covered in snow for nine months of the year and perma-frost for the other three. I am skilled in the art of bonfire jumping and a master at the gentle process of defrosting cases of beer in bath tubs.
It's a land vacant of culture but full of character. Folks dare not voice their opinion on anything other than weather...unless under the influence of Schmidt Light.
Guns and liqour equal a good weekend date, but the term redneck is never used.
It has the highest rate in the nation for teenage binge drinking. I have run the gauntlet, raised the flag, and come through the other side to spin the yarns, tell the tales, and speak of legends. The great wide open, wind swept wilderness known only to the outside world by it's latin name...North Dakota.As for me I'm a swell fellow. A bit surly and tenacious, but ever so charming. I likes the coffee. Women swoon in sensual delight over the sounds of my erotic duck calls, and babies coo at the sight of my magically rhythmic soft-shoe skills. With the golden tones of my Vaudeville musical stylings I can bring a syphilitic bobcat to tears.In the North I am known as Westie, Osama, Fishy or Sama J. In the South JJ, McFargo and/or JJ McFargo...and ever the tween shall meet.
