i think it’s funny how hard we try to sum ourselves up in cute little paragraphs.
as if all the beauty and heartbreak of our lives could possibly be portrayed in 500 words or less. i also think it’s funny that even with that understanding, i continue to try regardless. because when i can come close to it there is comfort there, in neatly packaged anecdotes.
i can promise you this, if i do nothing else, i will surprise you.
one day i will write a book about my life, but i will never, never tell you everything. we all carry with us secrets to the grave, and maybe that’s the way it should be, because no one else will ever hold our secrets as dear as we hold them, and some secrets must be held very, very, very gently.
we’ll start at the surface, okay?
i can’t stand spending money on clothes, but maybe that’s because i never have much of it. unfortunately, this relegates me to primary recipient for hand-me-downs, and that really wasn’t what i was going for either. for me, This American Life, and Ira Glass’ voice is soul food. i don’t read beauty magazines. i walk to work everyday. i love to cook. if i could wear flip flops constantly i would. i haven’t had any TV channels since i was in high school, and even then, most of them were in German. and frankly i could give a shit. i do miss AFN commercials though. those were great. i believe in karma. i don’t drink enough water. liquid enters my body primarily in the forms of coffee, sweet tea, wine and beer. i feel noises are more descriptive than adjectives, and often use them in place of actual words. those close to me are slowly learning this hybrid form of speech. i have a stockpile of awkward dances that i frequently deploy when i am nervous, or to portray emotion, whichever the case may be. i fancy myself a gardener, but mostly, i over water. kevin has suggested that i love things too much, and maybe he is onto something. i wonder if one day i’m going to “get god†right after something catastrophic happens to me. i hope not. most days i see organized religion as an extremely dangerous and manipulative coping mechanism… similar to heroin. i am appalled at the refusal of the american public to pay attention to what is actually going on in this country, and the rest of the world. one day we are going to goad the wrong nutcase, and find ourselves in a mess of apocalyptic proportions… but maybe that’s what they’re going for… i don’t pretend to understand the minds of the depraved, money-hungry evangelicals running this country. it is surprising to me how repressive, violent, intolerant, and narrow-minded some people still are.
i am determined to live a life of love and generosity and courage, even though there are many things that frighten me. i have always wanted to join the peace corps, and one day, i think i will.
i make art with the sole purpose of making people laugh, as laughter has miraculous powers. As a result of this miracle-work i am eligible for sainthood. which is pretty sweet.
