Todd - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I graduated top of my class from "Handle It School" I would rather be stabbed by a rusty arrow dipped in goat piss than to cheer for Alabama! I also enjoy teaching a hip-hop dance class to poor inner city children in my free time. Hopefully I will pass the driving test so that I can become a school bus driver for night time GED students. I've already gotten a bullet proof vest for the job! I spend a lot of my free time caring for a good buddy of mine who lost his eyesight. The way he lost his eyesight was one day we skipped school and went to the zoo drunk. He mistook a porcupine for a sheep and well....... you can figure out the rest. I have also been recently approved to adopt a pygmie child from Africa thanks to the Sally Struthers foundation. The child is 3 years old and has a goattee thats thicker than mine. His name is going to be "CLICK CLICK BUCKNUT". He is proficient with a blowgun from 300 yards. I can't wait to take him to the zoo and take out some spider monkeys.I also am a former champion in the men's heavyweight division pantless indian leg wrestling. If you just read that and you're gay, that was a joke so please don't send me messages. Thank you. I cannot sleep unless I have my full size cardboard cut out of Whoopi Goldberg naked snuggled right up to me. I wish I could break this habit of mine because its really difficult to explain to new girlfriends. Just something about that woman...........................just something about her. Shouldn't we be putting pictures of missing tranvestites on containers of half and half? Someone once told me that Jesus was like Santa Claus for adults.
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My Interests

Spending time with my son and my friends. All about some paintball.

I'd like to meet:

My father Ed Massey (he passed when I was 5). I would love to meet Donny Osmond and Captain from Captain and Tenille.

Music:

WOLFMOTHER ARE GODLIKE!!Led Zeppelin is the greatest band to walk the face of the earth.Clutch, and how could I forget 4th and one, also Metallica. I also wrote a song once it's an ode to an ex-girlfriends gay cats. Here it is:BROKEBACK KITTY CATS JIMMY CRACK CORN MUDDAFUCkIN MONKEY ASS BROKEBACK KITTY CATS! It's to be sang death metal style.

Movies:

American history X (not for the prison rape scene either) Road Trip, Old School, Jay and Silent Bob strike back. Talladega nights, 40 year old virgin, all the star wars movies.

Television:

If there's a show on that has the police chasing someone I can't help myself but to watch. Family Guy, Ghost Hunters, Terminator.

Books:

Never really get the time to read and can't say that I would if I did have the time.

Heroes:

My son.

My Blog

My blizzard of 2008 story.

Did you survive the BLIZZARD of '08? We barely did. I had to go into work Saturday @ 7:30. I was here for 2 hours and didn't have a single customer and was given the o.k. to close and go home when the...
Posted by Todd on Mon, 21 Jan 2008 10:52:00 PST

This is the wikipedia definition for HUFU

Hufu is a tofu-based product which was marketed as resembling, as realistically as possible, the taste and texture of human flesh.Until the closure of the Hufu web site in 2006, Hufu was touted as "th...
Posted by Todd on Fri, 18 Jan 2008 04:59:00 PST

The pride of a father.

I have people tell me all the time that Nolan looks and acts just like me. Some people might not think this is a good thing. None the less here's the story. Nolan his Mom, his aunt and his cousins all...
Posted by Todd on Mon, 07 Jan 2008 06:06:00 PST

This one is for you Karen! I GOT TAGGED!!!

So heres this 10 weird things about me thinga ma jiggy!!! 1. I have to drink a glass of milk before I go to bed, follow that with the fact that I get up and pee 3-5 times before I try to go to sleep a...
Posted by Todd on Sat, 21 Apr 2007 06:41:00 PST

The Easter that almost never was.

Since I've had to tell this story so many damn times I figured I would go ahead and put it into a blog for everyone. It was Easter day 2002. Myself and the girl that I was dating at the time had went ...
Posted by Todd on Thu, 05 Apr 2007 01:41:00 PST

I have the greatest friends in the world

I realized that I have the best set of friends that anyone could have last night. Nolan played in the championship game of a weekend long baseball tournament last night. My friends Janice, Brian and h...
Posted by Todd on Mon, 26 Mar 2007 03:29:00 PST

TODD MASSEY NOMINEE FOR DAD OF THE YEAR '07

I proved last Saturday that I should be nominated for Dad of the year. Nolan and I were playing paintball in McCalla when during one of the last games we were playing I found myself only maybe 8 feet ...
Posted by Todd on Mon, 26 Feb 2007 07:15:00 PST

A DEEPLY EMOTIONAL AND SINCERE BLOG.

HA HA!!!! MADE YOU LOOK!!! SUCKER!!! HELL, I'M NOT DOWN AND OUT!!! I MEAN REALLY DID YOU EXPECT SOMETHING RATIONAL FROM A GUY WHO HAS THAT PIC AS HIS DEFAULT?!!
Posted by Todd on Tue, 13 Feb 2007 07:37:00 PST