Maria profile picture

Maria

About Me


Okay, okay so my last about me came off a little bitchier than I intended. I'll change it. Yeesh...
I was born about 80 years too late. I'm an old soul stuck in a young body, which ironically often gets recognized as much younger than it actually is. I can be wickedly shy (really it's more of a "strategically observing from afar" thing- it's the anthropologist in me) while I get to know you, but once I do it's a complete 180. I am incredibly clumsy. I have extremely vivid dreams that play out like epic movies, and i remember them in detail. I am a grammar and punctuation nazi (because I wrote that, there are probably dozens of spelling errors in here). I miss insex. I love work that involves getting filthy and doing actual labor, but am also an unabashed girly-girl: I prefer to rewire a breaker box, tear down a wall, or weld deck plates while wearing expensive French underwear and a fresh pedicure, thank you very much. I think the smell of old books is sexy. One time when visiting friends near Philadelphia, I dragged them around all day until I found the grave of HH Holmes, America's first serial killer, and got my picture taken laying on top of it like I was dead, therefore, I am certainly going to go to hell. I do not like lime in my Corona. All I want in life is to walk into a store and buy a pair of jeans off the rack that aren't kids' jeans and not need to get them altered. Same thing goes for a bra. I am a firm believer in karma. I am destined to own a porn shop. Anything honeycomb-shaped or a bunch of circles or holes all grouped together freak me the hell out. Bjork and Journey are my mortal enemies.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:


bjork. so i can punch her in the face.

My Blog

a brief, slightly ranty blog

alright.  i feel NO FUCKING PITY for the people in texas that didn't evacuate when authorities said "certain death" would occur if you didn't comply with the MANDATORY FUCKING EVACUATION.  n...
Posted by on Tue, 16 Sep 2008 00:41:00 GMT

these are a few of my faaavorite things...

my sister and I were discussing Oprah's seasonal "Favorite Things" shows tonight-  actually, we were discussing what to get my mom for her birthday, and how she would like anything Oprah told her...
Posted by on Fri, 11 Jul 2008 05:09:00 GMT

im seriously considering therapy

why do i not want children?  why does the idea make me physically ill?  why have i started getting outright ANGRY when i see mothers in their mid twenties with kids in tow at the grocery sto...
Posted by on Mon, 23 Jun 2008 23:40:00 GMT

booky blog

i was going to post this as a bulletin, but meh- long enough to be a blog, i suppose...one fourteen hour workday down, one ten hour workday to go, and then two whole days off in a row!  for the s...
Posted by on Sat, 17 May 2008 16:18:00 GMT

heres what i am going to do this week

1.  change every lightbulb i have to incandescent and leave every light and electrical appliance on that i can find.2.  turn on every water faucet do the same.3.  rent a hummer and driv...
Posted by on Sun, 20 Apr 2008 22:06:00 GMT

post V.D. inquiries and thoughts

For some odd reason, I was asked quite a lot for my opinion on Valentine's Day and, in turn, relationships and luuuurve in general this week.  I mean, a lot.  I don't know when or who d...
Posted by on Sat, 16 Feb 2008 10:18:00 GMT

i resolve...

this year, i resolve... to be selfish. two thousand seven was my most life-altering year since i got married over seven years ago.  i could never have predicted the changes that have occurre...
Posted by on Tue, 01 Jan 2008 11:25:00 GMT

gimme some popcorn

It's that time of year, kids!  Time to be inundated with holiday cinematic offerings from the flat out stupid to the taking-themselves-entirely-too-seriously.  And so, in lieu of posting any...
Posted by on Fri, 09 Nov 2007 10:27:00 GMT

What an amazing weekend...

  I've been working my ass off for the past five days, and going non-stop for the past three, but it is the first time in ages that I felt like I was really doing something that mattered as far a...
Posted by on Sun, 30 Sep 2007 19:06:00 GMT

reason number 8556 i need a vacation

it is my night off.  my first night off in over two weeks.  the last one i will have for probably three more.  i don't mind working so much- i know the end result of my effort is going ...
Posted by on Fri, 07 Sep 2007 02:47:00 GMT