I am not fun loving and I hate to have a good time. I am about as down to Earth as Pluto. I lost my inner child years ago during a high-speed car chase in downtown Miami. The allure of partying escapes me, but I am more often drunk than not. It's the only way to live life to the fullest...then again, I hate doing that too. I despise long walks in the woods and I love taking things for granted. I am neither laid back nor intense. I'm not easy to get along with, even once you get to know me. And I am certainly not a special snowflake. If you want to be my friend despite everything above, you must agree to the following terms:
1. You will agree that Ursula Andress is your favorite bond girl. If you think Denise Richards was a better bond girl, then you are dead to me.
I once wrote what I considered to be the most perfect description of myself. It was exquisite, poetic, abstract and yet concretely truthful to my core. Emotional and tactful, it acknowledged both beauty and flaw, conjuring images of cold isolation and passionate warmth woven together to represent every facet of my being. From my six year old handwriting, the words leapt off the scrap of paper and sang a great symphony to those who read it. The next day my cat wizzed all over it....or something, I'm not sure exactly (blocked it from my memory. So tragic). I figured that from that moment on I could never write something more truthful about myself (just not possible to top the original masterpiece) and therefore, i would never try...ever...again. But, what I can do is let others speak for me.
My friend Kihlwa got pretty close when she said to me: "You are very level-headed, you give something a lot of thought before you commit to it, whether it be friendship, work, etc. you are supportive, attentive, a good listener, interesting, you like to talk things through, you would rather have a good conversation with friends than go out and party or be in large groups... because you feel that you have put a lot of time into the friendships and they are worth maintaining."
And then Dr. Phil told me: "Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken."
A family friend scribed in a recommendation letter: "Randy can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. He once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. He knows the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. Randy has performed several covert operations for the CIA. He sleeps once a week; when he does sleep, he sleeps in a chair. Wile on vacation in Canada, he successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to him."
And my old roomie Chris once remarked: "Randy brings out the stupid in me."
